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Thread ID: 137235	2014-06-09 01:09:00	Monday Laughs:....Blackish Humour................	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1376785	2014-06-09 01:09:00	. . Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to their final judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years. A few days later, as Tony is walking in the park with his stupid, hideous new bedmate, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks. "I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing sex to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we make love." ********************************* A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a pew and shake the casket. They hear a faint moan, so they open the casket and find that the woman is still alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies, so they have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers once again carry out the casket, and as they are walking down the aisle, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the pews!" ********************************* Steve Jobs went to purgatory. St. Peter says, "Now Steve, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". First, St. Peter shows Steve an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows him an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds. Steve chooses Hell. About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Steve in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons. Steve says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?" St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver." ********************************* A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here. ********************************* A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump. The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you get to the drop zone, there'll be trucks waiting to take you back to the base. Move out!" As scared as they are, they all make it out the door. The last recruit jumps out and slowly counts to 10 -- nothing. He frantically fumbles around and finds the emergency handle. He jerks on the cord, and it comes off in his hand. Raising his head to the heavens, he screams, "I bet them trucks ain't waiting either!!" ********************************* Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water. Cheers Billy 8-{) :stare:	Billy T (70)
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