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Thread ID: 137178	2014-06-02 06:37:00	Monday Laughs:....More from the archive + D Day................	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1376309	2014-06-02 06:37:00	. . JUST A TAP ON THE SHOULDER A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate-glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.' The frightened passenger apologised to the driver and said he didn't realise a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab....... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years. ******************************** While walking through the jungle, an Elephant meets a naked man. The elephant slowly looks the Man up and down and says, 'How the hell do ya feed yourself with that?' ********************************* Reason why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder: All the DNA is the same. ********************************* And a timely reminder: Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 88, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Customs Officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." the Officer sniped. The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France!" The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then very quietly he said, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to." You could have heard a pin drop. Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1376310	2014-06-02 07:45:00	And a timely reminder: Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 88, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Customs Officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." the Officer sniped. The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France!" The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then very quietly he said, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to." You could have heard a pin drop. Cheers Billy 8-{) :) Vive les docteurs de tour américains :lol: (very loosely translated = "long live the American spin doctors" )	WalOne (4202)
1376311	2014-06-02 22:19:00	Reason why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder: All the DNA is the same. Don't forget the lack of dental records as well.	Whenu (9358)
1376312	2014-06-04 05:30:00	5753 :) I'll just leave this here....	lordnoddy (3645)
1376313	2014-06-04 10:14:00	A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering-wheel attached to the front of his pants. The bartender says, "You know you got a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of your pants?" The pirate says, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts."	wratterus (105)
1376314	2014-06-04 10:27:00	5753 :) I'll just leave this here.... Hahaha! Facebooked now! LL	lakewoodlady (103)
1376315	2014-06-04 10:42:00	Norton strikes again... :D	Agent_24 (57)
1376316	2014-06-04 22:21:00	A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!" *** The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!" *** (This one actually made me laugh-out-loud!) A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where 2 people had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer. "Yes." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking marijuana?" "Yes." "What else?" The monkey motioned "Screwing." "They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer. "Yes." "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked." "Yes." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey.	lordnoddy (3645)
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