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Thread ID: 137482	2014-07-14 00:16:00	Monday Laughs:....Back on schedule................	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1379179	2014-07-14 00:16:00	. . A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now." ********************************* She was in the kitchen doing the soft boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in and asks "What's for breakfast?" She turns to him and says, "Soft boiled eggs, but you've got to make love to me this very moment". He, thinking it's his lucky day, stands her over the kitchen table and they have sex. Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?" She says "The egg timer's broken!" ********************************* An English Lesson: Jerry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it will rise for as long as you wish" Jerry asks, "What happens when I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned - it will not work again for another year." Jerry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his long frustrated wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123." He suddenly becomes more aroused than any previous time in his life - just as the medicine man had promised. His wife, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?" ...............And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition. ********************************* A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said: "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field." A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son. "What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet." The boy, bless his heart, answered; "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn't swear or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' "Well, I guess I just panicked". ********************************* A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper. "Where does poo come from?" she asks. Her father, feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions, thinks for a moment and says: "Well you know we just ate breakfast?" "Yes," answers the girl. "Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet, and that is poo." The little girl looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds then asks: But what about Tigger? Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1379180	2014-07-14 03:18:00	:D	R2x1 (4628)
1379181	2014-07-14 03:48:00	Most believe yodelling originated in Switzerland. Well here's what really happened..... Many years ago a man was travelling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from upstairs and asked her father, "Who's that man going into the barn?" "That's some fellow travelling through," said the farmer. "He needs a place to stay for the night, so I said he could sleep in the barn." The daughter said, "Perhaps he's hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food and took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned, her clothing dishevelled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went. The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly and her hair all messed up. She also headed straight to bed. The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying good-bye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!" "What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man who, by now, was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!" The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out: "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO."	tutaenui (1724)
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