Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 138280	2014-11-02 22:03:00	Monday Laughs:....Aging, Government and other life-threatening events .............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1387563	2014-11-02 22:03:00	. . Getting Older: Your kids are becoming you...but your grandchildren are perfect! Going out is good... Coming home is even better! You forget names... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you! You realise you're never going to be really good at anything.......especially golf. The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV going than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep". You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON" and "OFF" switch. You tend to use more four-letter words: "what?"..."when?" Now that you can afford expensive jewellery, it's not safe to wear it anywhere. What used to be freckles are now liver spots. Everybody whispers. You have three sizes of clothes in your wardrobe.... two of which you will never wear. But old is good in some things: old songs, old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS! ********************************* OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a semen sample for as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said: 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing..' The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?' The old man replied, 'Yep, but none of us could get the jar open.' ********************************* New Zealand Oil Shortage: A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in New Zealand. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil, so we just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that oversight is purely geographical. Our OIL TANKS are in Auckland, Our REFINERY is in Northland, Our OIL WELLS are located in Taranaki. . . And our DIPSTICKS are all in WELLINGTON. ********************************* A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the Wellington motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happeneing here?" The man replies: "ISIS Terrorists have kidnapped John Key and are asking for a $15 million ransom, otherwise they are going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire in his BMW. We are going from car to car to take up a collection." The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving on average?" "About three litres!" ********************************* Thoughts for today.....an oldie worth recycling: A penny saved is a government oversight. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. (oh yes!!! and it applies especially to tools BT) He who hesitates is probably right. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL." If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here right now thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt ********************************* Finally, it doesn't hurt to end occasionally with a prayer......... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my woman; Love to forgive her; And Patience for her moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll probably throw her out of the house. AMEN Cheers Billy 8-{) :D And now you know why Monday Laughs is posted under a pseudonym	Billy T (70)
1387564	2014-11-03 05:03:00	:thanks Billy!	WalOne (4202)
1387565	2014-11-03 06:45:00	An Aussie, a dog, and a sheep were the sole survivors of a shipwreck and they washed up on a deserted island. They soon got into a routine of collecting firewood, food and water during the day, and then watched the sunset together at night. After awhile the Aussie started getting very toey, so he sidled up to the sheep one sunset evening. But the dog got very jealous and started growling and got very aggressive. This went on for weeks, every time the Aussie got close to the sheep the dog went crazy, and by now the Aussie was very frustrated. Then, one day there was another shipwreck, and the only survivor was a beautiful young lady, and she washed up on the island too. The Aussie thought all his Xmas's had come at once, and after he got her settled into the daily routine, they all sat together to watch the sunset. The Aussie slowly inched his way closer to the beautiful young lady, then softly whispered in her ear, "Can you please take the dog for a walk".	tutaenui (1724)
1387566	2014-11-03 20:00:00	:thanks Billy! +1 Always makes the week better!	lordnoddy (3645)
1