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Thread ID: 138440	2014-11-30 09:43:00	Monday Laughs:....More Aging, Politicians, and other life-threatening events ........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1389219	2014-11-30 09:43:00	. . OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor to supply a semen sample for as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said: 'Take this jar home and bring back your sample tomorrow.' The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, but still nothing. 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing..' The doctor was shocked! 'You even asked your neighbour?' The old man replied, 'Yep, but none of us could get the jar open.' ********************************* A young boy had just got his driver's license and enquired of his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. Bring your grades up from a C to a B Average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car." Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, decided to settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks they went into the study, where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But, I'm real disappointed to see that you haven't got your hair cut." The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair also." To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?" ********************************* John Key, Judith Collins, Gerry Brownlee and Hekia Parata are flying to Auckland on a charter flight. Hekia looks at Gerry, then chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy." Gerry shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten people very happy." Judith says, "Of course, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." John Key laughs and says, "with my financial standing I could throw a thousand $100 bills, in fact I could throw a thousand $1000 bills if I wanted to, and make a thousand people very happy! The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says to his co-pilot, "Listen to the Bigshots back there.....All mouth and trousers!" "I could throw all of them out the window and make millions happy." ********************************* The test of whether to pass on a rumour or not........... Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear or are about to repeat a rumour. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three." "Test of Three?" "That's correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth: Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man replied, "actually I only just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness: Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, to the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though, because there is a third test, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more. This is the reason Socrates was a truly great philosopher and held in such high esteem. ------------------------------ It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was porking his wife. Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
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