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Thread ID: 138396	2014-11-23 21:24:00	Monday Laughs:....Aussies, games for Oldies, and a few more .............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1388684	2014-11-23 21:24:00	. . While holidaying on the West Australian coast, a bloke's wife goes missing during a diving expedition and he spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says..."Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news". "Well," says the bloke..."I guess I'd better have the bad news first?" The Sarge says..."I'm really sorry pal, but your wife is dead, young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef, he got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead. "The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn, but after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says..."Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share." He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. "Geez thanks...They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill-wind and all that...... So what's the other possible good news? "Well", the Sarge says..."if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again... ********************************* GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER 1. Sag, you're It. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. Twenty Questions, shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Musical recliners. 7. Simon Says something incoherent. 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE : 1. You sell your home heating system at a garage sale. 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. 3. You change your underwear after every sneeze. OLD IS WHEN: 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 3. Getting a little action means I don't need fibre today. 4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the carpark building. 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee! ********************************* Two delicate flowers of French womanhood were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion in New Orleans. The first woman said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me." The second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice." The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive." Again, the second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice." The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the second woman commented "Well, isn't that nice." The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" The second woman replied, "My husband sent me to charm school." "Charm school!" the first woman smiled, "land-sakes child, what on earth for?" The second woman responded: "So that instead of saying 'Who gives a shlt' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice'." ********************************* A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!" ********************************* A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank. Shooting at his pursuers, the robber accidentally shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK, and the surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She later gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mum", she said, "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago. A few more weeks went by, then her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mum, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out." "No," wailed the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog." I KNOW YOU SMILED :devil Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
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