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Thread ID: 138642	2014-12-29 09:45:00	Monday Laughs:....Natural Events, Infidelity Hearing Aids, and Politicians ..........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1391176	2014-12-29 09:45:00	. . A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mum on top of his dad, bouncing up and down. The mum sees her son and instantly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen, so she dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mum and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy, and sometimes I have to get on top of him to help flatten it down." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mum, puzzled. "Well, when you go shopping on Saturdays the lady next door comes over and blows it right back up." ********************************* A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor, "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty." ********************************* There was this couple who had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit, so one night she turned on the lights while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, warm, wonderfully realistic and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you deceive me all of these years? You'd better explain yourself!" The husband calmly looks her straight in the eyes and says: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids." ********************************* When Jane first met Tarzan, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied, so Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "Oh......Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong,...but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground. Pointing, she said "Here, you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loin-cloth showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer, then gave her a mighty kick right in the crotch! Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed: "What the hell did you do that for?" Tarzan replied "Must check for squirrel." ********************************* A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks, Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man. He pointed at a clock showing 12 noon and asked: Whose clock is that?" That's Michael Joseph Savage. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man, "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Helen Clarke's clock The hands have moved twice, telling us that she has told only two lies in her entire life." "So where's John Key's clock", asked the man? "His clock is in Jesus' office, replies St Peter. He's using it as a ceiling Fan." Better Late Than Never................ Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1391177	2014-12-29 19:26:00	The clocks one awesome and so true to life too	gary67 (56)
1391178	2014-12-29 22:30:00	The clocks one awesome and so true to life too Only because it fits your personal agenda :rolleyes:	WalOne (4202)
1391179	2014-12-29 23:20:00	What agenda? Any politicians who lie should be pulled up of whatever party.	gary67 (56)
1391180	2014-12-29 23:25:00	. .A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks, Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man. He pointed at a clock showing 12 noon and asked: Whose clock is that?" That's Michael Joseph Savage. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man, "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Helen Clarke's clock The hands have moved twice, telling us that she has told only two lies in her entire life." "So where's John Key's clock", asked the man? "His clock is in Jesus' office, replies St Peter. He's using it as a ceiling Fan." Good grief, do they have no Clockmakers in Heaven? :eek: I can understand Michael Joseph Savage's clock not moving, given he was a fine upstanding Australian ;), but Helen Clark only twice. Someone’s put a spanner in the works there. As for John Key, well he must be an Oscillating Fan given his repeated memory loss. :D	B.M. (505)
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