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Thread ID: 138572	2014-12-18 03:42:00	Thursday Laughs:....One of life's mysteries, that happened behind your very eyes ...	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1390513	2014-12-18 03:42:00	. . It has been drawn to my attention that Monday Laughs did not appear on Monday as scheduled. This was a glitch of monumental proportions, and no stone has been left unturned in my efforts to track down the culprit, known only by his cryptic by-line: T Yllib Fortunately, and being members of a renowned Computor Forum, you all will be familiar with the 'Great Black Hole of Computing', into which the very best draft of your Doctoral thesis, your most original Opus composition, the only copy of the block-buster novel that has been your life work, or the film script of a lifetime, have mysteriously fallen, only moments before you were ready to created multiple back-ups, into the dreaded black hole of computing. Not to mention a software glitch that bounced a spacecraft straight back off a comet. Yes folks, it came to pass that Monday Laughs suffered that same horrible fate, for which I have no explanation, which is a crying shame actually, because it was a right corker of a compilation and most of you would have still been gasping for breath and running for your incontinence prerequisites. Please receive the off-course substitutes offered below with the same warmth and affection that you would their late lamented and sadly absent predecessors: An elderly and white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young woman at his side. He told the Jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The Jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." The Jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $15,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something really amazing." At that statement, the Jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a truly stunning ring at only $40,000" he said. The young woman's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. Seeing this, the old man said, "We'll take it." The Jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by cheque, but I know you will need to make sure my account is in good standing, so I'll write it now and you can call the Bank on Monday to verify the funds and we'll come back to pick ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, the Jeweller phoned the old man and said: "There's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend! Don't mess with Old People ********************************************** A high-priced call girl brings a customer to her fancy apartment. He admires the fancy furnishings and the art and asks how she was able to amass such splendour. She replies that those really were her father's acquisitions, and that he was a politician for forty years. He said, "How come you didn't follow in his footsteps instead of choosing this way of life?" She sighed and said, "Oh, just lucky I guess. Besides, I had my moral standards to uphold". ********************************************** Tom and Ella were lying in bed one night. Tom was falling asleep but Ella was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily Tom reached across, held her hand for a second, and rolled over to try to fall asleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he leaned across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled back down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, Tom threw back the bed-clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my damn teeth," he replied. ********************************* Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells out, "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then replies, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." ********************************* A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulled out a bottle of local anaesthetic and a hypodermic syringe to numb the area. "No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient exclaimed. The dentist put away the hypodermic and started to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objected. "I can't do the gas thing! The thought of having a gas mask on is suffocating to me!" The dentist then asked if the man had any objection to taking a pill. "No problem," the patient said, "I am fine with pills." The dentist said, "OK. Here is a Viagra tablet." The patient replied: "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill!" "It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto while I pull out your tooth." Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1390514	2014-12-18 06:34:00	. . This was a glitch of monumental proportions, and no stone has been left unturned in my efforts to track down the culprit, known only by his cryptic by-line: T Yllib Fortunately, and being members of a renowned Computor Forum, you all will be familiar with the 'Great Black Hole of Computing', into which the very best draft of your Doctoral thesis, your most original Opus composition, the only copy of the block-buster novel that has been your life work, or the film script of a lifetime, have mysteriously fallen, only moments before you were ready to created multiple back-ups, into the dreaded black hole of computing. Not to mention a software glitch that bounced a spacecraft straight back off a comet. Yes folks, it came to pass that Monday Laughs suffered that same horrible fate, for which I have no explanation, which is a crying shame actually, because it was a right corker of a compilation and most of you would have still been gasping for breath and running for your incontinence prerequisites. Please receive the off-course substitutes offered below with the same warmth and affection that you would their late lamented and sadly absent predecessors: :banana :D:D Ok Billy, all is forgiven (we're by and large a forgiving bunch). But what are these "incontinence prerequisites" of which you speak? :eek:	WalOne (4202)
1390515	2014-12-18 09:56:00	:banana :D:D Ok . . . what are these "incontinence prerequisites" of which you speak? :eek: Whole corks, cheese, Barrs Leaks and twelve reams of blotting paper. Garnish well with quick-setting cement, serve cold.	R2x1 (4628)
1390516	2014-12-18 21:17:00	Whole corks, cheese, Barrs Leaks and twelve reams of blotting paper. Garnish well with quick-setting cement, serve cold. Or anything else with a capacity of a litre or two of converted amber fluid, and that resembles absorbent undies. :D Cheers Billy 8-{) :banana	Billy T (70)
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