Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 138851	2015-02-01 09:33:00	Monday Laughs:...Picking on the Irish today............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1393491	2015-02-01 09:33:00	. . An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk."Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right an' all," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car? Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." ************** Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door."Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". "Of course you can come in Tim, you're always welcome, but where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. Poor Brenda was wracked with sobs and quite distraught. Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda".....said Tim, "not really, in fact, he got out three times to pee." ************** An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" the employee asked. "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman. ************** An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The State Trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Praise be! The good Lord's done it again!" ************** Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well." Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity.....one of them poor girls must be dying. ************** Shamus suffered a serious heart attack, was rushed to hospital and needed urgent open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of the Nuns at the local Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a Nun asked him questions regarding how he would like to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. Shamus replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The Nun asked if he had money in the Bank. He replied, "No money in the Bank." The Nun asked, "would you be havin' a relative who could help you then?" Shanus said,"I only have a spinster sister, who is a Nun like yourself. The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "sure, and a good catholic like you should be knowin' that we Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." Good, Shamus replied, "then be sendin' your bill to my brother-in-law." Cheers Billy 8-{) 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1393492	2015-02-02 00:55:00	Not Irish - but a drinking theme nevertheless: My first drink with my son I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Heineken, he didn't like it, so I had it. Then I got him a Stella Artois, he didn't like it, so I had it. It was the same with the 1664 Lager and Premium Dry Cider. By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the bloody pram back home.	johcar (6283)
1