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Thread ID: 139087	2015-03-08 21:29:00	Monday Laughs:.........Medical jokes, lie detectors, blondes (again) etc...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1396025	2015-03-08 21:29:00	. . In Israel, Doctors say: ” Israeli medicine is so advanced that if we remove a man’s testicles and transplant them in another man, in six weeks he has recovered his virility and is looking for work” A Germany doctor says: “That’s nothing, in Germany we take parts of a brain put it in another man and in four weeks he is looking for work” A Russian doctor replies saying: “Gentlemen we take half a heart from a man, put it in another man chest, and in two weeks he is looking for work” A New Zealand doctor hears all of this and says: “you are all behind us. A few years back we took a man with no Brains, no Heart, no Balls and made him Prime Minister. Now the whole damned country is looking for work” ****************************** John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick, and one day he came home with another of his unusual purchases. It was a robot lie detector. About 5:30 that afternoon their 11 year old son returned home from school over two hours late. "Where have you been"? asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied, we really watched a pornographic DVD." "I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! After all, he is your son!" With that the robot turned and whacked Marsha, knocking her clean off her chair. ****************************** A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. Listen, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mother. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G! see?" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, I saw that all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" and she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good dear," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No Honey, it's because you're twenty-four." ****************************** A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes, I do," she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember." "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?" "Yes, I do," she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know, I would have got out today. " ****************************** An 80-year-old woman's doctor finally retired after many years of seeing her. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all her prescriptions. As the young doctor was looking through the medications on the list, his eyes grew wide as he noticed a rather odd prescription for a woman her age. "Mrs. Smith," he said as he pointed to the medicine. "I have to say I'm a little confused over this one prescription. Could you tell me what it's for?" The woman looked at the medicine and replied, "Oh, yes. Those are wonderful pills. They help me sleep." The doctor was taken aback. "Mrs. Smith, I don't mean to contradict you, but I don't see how they can possibly help you sleep. You see, these are birth control pills!" "Well, I know that, dear," she said. "You see, every morning I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks, and I can assure you... they definitely help me to sleep at night." Cheers Billy 8-{) :) . .	Billy T (70)
1396026	2015-03-08 21:54:00	And then there is THIS (www.nzherald.co.nz) :lol:	B.M. (505)
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