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Thread ID: 139285	2015-04-06 11:13:00	Monday Laughs:....Just in time for Tuesday..........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1398164	2015-04-06 11:13:00	. . Late one rainy spring night in Wellington, a taxi driver is cruising through Hataitai and spots an arm waving from the shadows of an shop doorway. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaps into the cab and slams the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a naked woman, dripping wet, sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered. "Wilton Road," answered the woman. "OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her in his mirror and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at? "Well ma'am", replied the driver, "I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare." The woman put her feet up on the front seat, spread her legs, smiled at the driver and said, "Does THIS answer your question?" Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?" ********************************* An old cowboy sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "Well, I'm a lesbian! I spend my whole day just thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian!" ********************************* Three women who were friends in high school have returned to their hometown to attend their 25th College reunion. Their talk turns to their position in life.... AND there's a lot of one-upmanship going on. The first woman says.... "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks," and then looks at the others with a superior smile. The second woman says.... "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes." and she too looks about with considerable pride. The third woman says.... "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have many material possessions, BUT, 13 canaries can stand side by side on my husband's erect penis." After a long silence, the first woman looks shame-faced and says.... "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. We're not really going to the French Riviera, we're going to my parent's house in Detroit for two weeks." The second woman says.... "Your honesty has shamed me. To be honest, my husband didn't buy me a new Mercedes, he bought me a second-hand Toyota." "Well," the third woman says.... " Since we're being honest, I also have a confession to make." "The 13th Canary has to stand on one leg. ********************************* On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. After takeoff, he asks the stewardess for coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a whiskey you cow.” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whiskey for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls, “And get me another whiskey you *****.” Quite upset,the girl comes back shaking with another whiskey but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach. “I've asked you twice for coffee. Go and get it now, or I'll give you a slap.” Next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards, the parrot turns to him and says, “You've got a pretty big mouth for someone who can't fly.” **************** Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut. **************** A young man asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies, F#@! the pills, have you seen those dragons in the kitchen?! **************** Little Johnny asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Johnny comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?' Dad looks horrified and tells Johnny all about sex. Johnny just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, 'So what were you watching?' Johnny says, 'Wimbledon.' **************** A woman standing nude in front of a mirror, says to her husband, 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.' **************** Wife gets naked then asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?' Hubby looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!' **************** An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.' Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1398165	2015-04-06 22:04:00	Thanks Billy :) great start to a short week after a great long weekend! I was sitting on the train to work this morning across from a really pretty Thai girl. I couldn't help but look at her and think 'don't get an erection, don't get an erection...' but she did!	lordnoddy (3645)
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