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Thread ID: 139902	2015-07-19 22:40:00	Monday Laughs:....Of Men and Women...............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1405079	2015-07-19 22:40:00	. . A newly married man asked his wife, 'would you have still married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 'Honey,' his wife replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter who left you a fortune!' ********************************* WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the Mall. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out quickly. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse so I had to find ways to pass the time. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the Mall Manager. Dear Mrs. Samuel, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our stores. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from entering this shopping mall. The complaints against your husband, Mr.Samuel, are listed below and are documented by store video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15 in the Pharmacy: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's bags when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in house-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee of Countdown and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in butchery. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. 5. August 4: Went to the Countdown Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby. 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15 in the Warehouse: Set up a tent in the outdoor pursuits department and told shoppers' children he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding shop next-door, to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23 at the Bakery: When an assistant asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Emergency response teams were called. 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera in the common area and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10 in the hardware store: While handling knives, he asked the clerk where he could buy more anti-depressants. 11. October 3: Darted around the Mall suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6 in the Warehouse: In the automotive department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18 in the Menswear store: Hid under a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 21 in the main mall area: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he dropped to a foetal position on the floor and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but certainly not least: 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room in Womens Wear, waited a while, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' Our Ladies Wear assistant felt quite ill!! If you don't send this to 12 of your dearest friends, your taxes will go up, your share prices will go down, your bank balance will shrink, and your middle will spread. (How's that for a curse?!?) What? It's already come true? Then send it anyway--you've got nothing to lose! ********************************* Wife: 'Do you want dinner?' Husband: 'What are my choices?' Wife: 'Yes or no.' ********************************* Housework was a woman's job, but one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer Dinner was on the stove, and the table set... She was astonished! It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex'. The night went very well. The next day, she told her office friends all about it. 'We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening.' 'But what about....you know....afterwards?' asked her friends. 'Oh, that! ........ No, Ralph was too tired.' ********************************* Husbands are husbands A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your trousers pocket.' The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologised and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned.' Cheers Billy 8-{) :devil	Billy T (70)
1405080	2015-07-20 07:10:00	:D	R2x1 (4628)
1405081	2015-07-20 20:48:00	Housework was a woman's job, but one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer Dinner was on the stove, and the table set... She was astonished! It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex'. The night went very well. The next day, she told her office friends all about it. 'We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening.' 'But what about....you know....afterwards?' asked her friends. 'Oh, that! ........ No, Ralph was too tired.' :lol:	pctek (84)
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