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Thread ID: 139831	2015-07-05 10:40:00	Monday Laughs:....Got it in for the Aussies this week.....................	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1404157	2015-07-05 10:40:00	. . Aussie Computing Terms .. .. . LOG ON: Adding wood to make the Barbie hotter. LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the Barbie. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the Barbie. DOWNLOAD: Getting the Barbie firewood off the Ute. HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys. WINDOW: What you shut when the flies are drivin' you mad. SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season. BYTE: What mozzies do. MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do. CHIP: A bar snack. MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips. MODEM: What you done to the lawns. LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps. SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster. HARDWARE: Cheap metal knives & forks from K-Mart. MOUSE: A sneaky little rodent that eats the grain in your shed. MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up. WEB: What spiders make. WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah. SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go. CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go. YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go. UPGRADE: A steep hill. SERVER: The sheila at the pub who usually brings out the counter lunch. MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch when the sheila is busy at the bar. USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things. NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair your fishing net. INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go. NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net. ONLINE: Where you hang the washing. OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when its windy or the pegs aren't strong enough. ********************************* A Judge was interviewing a Sydney woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an Aunt and Uncle living here in town, and my husband's parents live here too." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "Our house has a two-car carport so we never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the Judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. It's my husband who wants it, he says he can't communicate with me." ********************************* Confessions of an Aussie Hooker:- A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years. The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?' She said 'I don't think you understand, my name was Bazza and I played rugby on the wing for the Wallabies. .. .. ********************************* A Lawyer bound for Perth boarded an airplane in Sydney with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his boorish behaviour. Shortly before landing in Perth, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Sydney, please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up .. . so she took them home and ate them. Cheers Billy 8-{) :clap	Billy T (70)
1404158	2015-07-05 21:07:00	HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. I lost it here and didn't stop until the bottom! Great jokes Billy! Always making Monday better!	lordnoddy (3645)
1404159	2015-07-05 22:40:00	Funny shizza this week! Thanx!	Greg (193)
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