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| Thread ID: 139863 | 2015-07-12 11:03:00 | Monday Laughs:....The itchy dwarf, Dr Dave, and Taking the P out of the Yanks........ | Billy T (70) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 1404506 | 2015-07-12 11:03:00 | . . Itchy & Scratchy A female dwarf goes to a Doctor complaining of an embarrassing itch in the groin area. The Doctor looks her up and down, then picks her up and stands her on his desk. He then lifts up her skirt and puts his head underneath it. A little perplexed, she hears....snip....snip....snip.....snip. The Doctor emerges from under her skirt. "There - how's that?" he asks. "Well, it's a lot better actually, but .....the itch is still there." Undaunted, the Doctor dives back underneath her skirt. Snip....snip......snip......snip, then out the Doctor comes. "How's that?" The Doctor asks again more confident. "That's wonderful! What did you do?" She replies. "I trimmed the tops off your Ugg boots." ********************************* Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't, the guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming, but every now and then he'd hear a reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality. Whispering..... But Dave.... Dave.... DAVE.... ....You're a Vet. ********************************* The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Johnny a bright Navajo Indian boy, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said. "Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?" Again, no response except from Little Johnny, "Abraham Lincoln, 1863". The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed, Little Johnny knows more about history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Indians." "Who said that?" she demanded. Little Johnny put his hand up, "General Custer, 1862." At that point a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares around and asks, "All right!!! Now who said that!?" Again, Little Johnny says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Little Johnny jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shlt!! If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Little Johnny frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson, to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,"Oh crap, We're screwed!" Little Johnny said quietly, "The American people, November 7, 2000" [George W Bush elected President] ********************************* President Reagan's current-affairs advisor is giving him his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in a major munitions depot explosion.' "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as he sits in silence, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks.......... 'How many is a Brazillion?!' Cheers Billy 8-{) :) |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 1404507 | 2015-07-12 22:35:00 | Ugg! :lol: |
WalOne (4202) | ||
| 1404508 | 2015-07-12 23:16:00 | Ugg! :lol: Heh my thoughts exactly. Great ones today Billy! You make Mondays a better place! |
lordnoddy (3645) | ||
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