Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 140138	2015-08-23 23:04:00	Monday Laughs:....Aging, Aunty Sharon, the evil Genie, and House Rules	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1407306	2015-08-23 23:04:00	. . Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to drive fast to get there before she forgot where she was going? Makes perfectly good sense to me..... ********************************* We'll be FRIENDS until we are old and senile.. Then we'll be NEW FRIENDS. ********************************* The Moral of Auntie Sharon A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.' 'What's the morale of that story?' asked the teacher. 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!' 'Very good,' said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.' 'That was a fine story Sarah.' Michael, do you have a story to share?' 'Yes Miss. My dad told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.' 'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?' 'To stay the f .... away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.' ****************************************** A truckie walks into an Outback Cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $19.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays. This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.. 'Same for me,' says the emu. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?' 'Well, says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was clearing out my back shed, I found an old oil lamp. I thought it would look nice in the house somewhere, then when I was rubbing it clean, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!' 'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man. Still curious the waitress asks, 'So what's with the bloody emu?' :confused: The truckie pauses, sighs,:groan: and answers, 'My second wish was to meet a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who would stay with me forever and agrees with everything I say. ********************************* Lastly, the following rules are broadly applicable to both home and work environments RULES OF THIS ESTABLISHMENT If you open it, CLOSE IT! If you turn it on, TURN IT OFF! If you unlock it, LOCK IT! If you break it, REPAIR IT! If you can’t fix it, CALL SOMEONE WHO CAN! If you borrow it, RETURN IT! If you use it, TAKE CARE OF IT! If you make a mess, CLEAN IT UP! If you borrow it, PUT IT BACK! If it belongs to someone else, GET PERMISSION TO USE IT! If you don’t know how to operate it, LEAVE IT ALONE! If it does not concern you, DON’T MESS WITH IT! If you sleep on it, MAKE IT UP! If you step in it, WIPE IT UP! If you wear it, HANG IT UP! If you drop it, PICK IT UP! If you eat out of it, WASH IT! If it rings, ANSWER IT! If it howls, FEED IT! ...and in my house - if you like it and pick it up to admire it, put it down BEFORE leaving the house! Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1407307	2015-08-24 02:14:00	Love them! :)	Nick G (16709)
1407308	2015-08-24 09:20:00	:) :D	R2x1 (4628)
1407309	2015-08-25 01:11:00	SENIOR TRYING TO SET A NEW PASSWORD WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER: cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER: 50damnboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveM eAccessNow! WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss IfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use	Lurking (218)
1407310	2015-08-31 04:02:00	Fantastic :)	tcam478 (17385)
1