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Thread ID: 140346	2015-09-27 21:40:00	Monday Laughs:....Facebook, Post-Turtles, Pollies & the Vagaries of married life...	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1409050	2015-09-27 21:40:00	. . Do I Really Need To Join Facebook? When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cellphone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my six kids, their spouses, my 13 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildrens could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space. That was before one of my grandchildren hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twitterific, Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting World. My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this..... I leave my cell phone in my golf bag in the garage. The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth phone [it's red] I was supposed to use when I was driving. I wore it once while standing in line at the supermarket and was talking to my wife. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and everyone within 50 metres was glaring at me because I got a little loud. I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dashboard, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying and rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead...... Well, it was not a good relationship! When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and she tells me which way to turn. While she is starting to develop the same tone of voice as the GPS lady, at least she loves me. To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings. The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the supermarket. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "box or bag?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me. Now when they ask me "box or bag" I toss it straight back to them, I just say, "It doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual," then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I replied, No, but I do fart a lot." We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets, a walking stick and the garage door and TV remotes are about all we can handle. P.S. I know some of you are not over 60, but I have sent it to you so that you can forward it to those who are. ********************************* Post turtles ... A 75 year old Aussie farmer was visiting the farm of his daughter and son-in-law in New Zealand, and had his hand badly gashed when it was caught in a gate while he was helping to work some cattle. He was taken to A&E, and while the young doctor was sewing it up, he struck up a conversation with the old man and eventually the topic got around to John Key and his efforts as New Zealand's Prime Minister. The old farmer said, 'Well, you know, in my opinion, Key is a post turtle'. Never before having heard the term, the doctor asked what a 'post turtle' was. The old farmer said, 'Well Doc, when you're drivin' down a country road, and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top- that there's whatcha call a 'post turtle'. He saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued. 'Well son, you know he didn't get up there by himself - you know that he doesn't belong up there - you know that he doesn't know what to do while he's up there - and you just wonder what kind of dumb buggers put him up there to begin with. ********************************* Politicians and nappies have one thing in common: They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. ********************************* Three men married.................... The first man married a woman from the USA. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a woman from Australia. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a good dinner on the table. The third man married a girl from New Zealand. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said that the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down, he could see a little out of his left eye, and he could move his right arm enough to fix himself a sandwich and to load the dishwasher. ********************************* A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. You juss ask, so wha tchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I wan to try someting I have hear about from odda girls.... it numbaa 69.' More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her.... 'You want.........Garlic Chicken wif flied lice???' Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
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