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| Thread ID: 140223 | 2015-09-07 01:20:00 | Monday Laughs:....Mostly related to women..........Broadly speaking.......... | Billy T (70) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 1408020 | 2015-09-07 01:20:00 | . . A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting. 'What's up?' she asks. 'I think I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up and says, 'Mummy! Mummy! Aunty Shirley is hiding in your wardrobe and she's got no clothes on!' The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor. 'You rotten cow', she screams. 'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!' ********************************* Three men married.................... The first man married a woman from the USA. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a woman from Australia. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a good dinner on the table. The third man married a woman from New Zealand. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and he could move his right arm enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees. ********************************* Two Ladies are Talking in the Hereafter: First woman: Hi! Wanda. Second woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? First woman: I froze to death. Second woman: How horrible! First woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to feel warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? Second woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. First woman: So, what happened? Second woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement... Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. First woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive. ********************************* A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, It's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, ' we were saying the alphabet today and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, It's because you're blonde" "The next day the girl came skipping home from school once more. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered afterwards, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36c's. "Very good dear," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No, honey, it's because you're 24!" ********************************* One Monday morning the Postman is riding through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His curiosity was cut short by Derek, the home-owner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles for the recycling bin. 'Wow Derek, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman comments. Derek, in obvious pain, replies 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.' The Postman thinks a moment then asks, 'How do you play WHO AM I?' 'Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.' The Postman laughs and says, 'Sounds like fun. I'm sorry I missed that.' 'Probably a good thing you did,' Derek responded. 'Your name came up seven times.... Cheers Billy 8-{) :) |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 1408021 | 2015-09-07 08:01:00 | Thanks Billy | gary67 (56) | ||
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