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Thread ID: 140473	2015-10-18 21:58:00	Monday Laughs:....Topical Tales for francophiles, and others...........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1410155	2015-10-18 21:58:00	. . I never knew this before, but now that I have been enlightened, I felt obliged to send it on today, after all, isn't history more fun when you know something about it? Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow, therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew'). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying: See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'flipping the bird.' IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH, TODAY IN PARTICULAR! Go the All Blacks :clap ********************************* One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like the dickens!! I guess I'd better see a doctor.' 'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it... It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.' So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. 10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and Epsom salts found on Aisle 2. Avoid heavy activity and it will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.' That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. H e deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm... Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant with twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better! Thank you for using Wal-Mart Diagnostics. ********************************* It's been so dry in West Texas thid summer that the Baptists are starting to baptise by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water. Now THAT' is Dry!! ********************************* The $100 note It's a hot, steamy August day in a resort town that sits on the shores of a small lake. It's raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. Times are tough in the recession, everybody in town is in debt and living on credit. A rich tourist drives into town, enters the local hotel, lays a 100 dollar note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs before picking one for the night. When the tourist is out of sight, the hotel proprietor pockets the 100 dollar note and runs to pay his debt to the Butcher. The Butcher, in turn, takes the 100 dollar note, runs down the block and pays his debt to the pig farmer who's about to do his weekly shopping at the Co-Op. The pig farmer heads on into the store and pays his feed and fuel account to the store owner. The Co-Op manager grabs the 100 dollar note and runs up the back stairs of the hotel to pay his debt to the town prostitute who, in these hard times, had been giving her "services" on credit. The hooker skips down the front stairs to the reception desk and happily pays off her room rental account to the proprietor with the same 100 dollar note. At this point, the hotel proprietor places the 100 dollar note back on the counter, exactly where the tourist had left it earlier so he won't suspect he's done anything with it. Seconds later, the tourist returns and says, "Sorry. I didn't really like any of the rooms," picks up his 100 dollars, and leaves town. No one actually earned anything, however, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism. And that, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, is how our Government is doing business today. Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1410156	2015-10-19 07:14:00	A young lad from Glasgow took his new girlfriend home for the first time. He went into the living room where his father sat and said hello this is Amanda. His father, choking on his whisky said it's a what.	tutaenui (1724)
1410157	2015-10-19 22:49:00	A young lad from Glasgow took his new girlfriend home for the first time. He went into the living room where his father sat and said hello this is Amanda. His father, choking on his whisky said it's a what. Subtle, and I like it! :lol: Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
1410158	2015-10-20 05:46:00	Subtle, and I like it! :lol: Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs: I still don't get it. Is it funny?	Digby (677)
1410159	2015-10-20 06:43:00	A man da (colloquial for Dad)	gary67 (56)
1410160	2015-10-20 10:31:00	I did- married to a Glaswegian...Get it, I mean!	R.M. (561)
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