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Thread ID: 140433	2015-10-11 21:41:00	Monday Laughs:....De Boids of Spring, little Johnny, the Accident...and more.	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1409683	2015-10-11 21:41:00	. . Ode to Spring Spring has sprung The grass has ris I wonder where the boidies is? They say de boids is on de wing But dat’s absurd Of course, because, De wing is on de boid! ********************************* Little Johnny Strikes Again A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Nursery school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that their Teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them, so she asked David what he had done over the weekend? 'I went to visit my Nana'. No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER David, use 'Big People' words!' She then asked Mitchell what he had done. 'I took a ride on a choo-choo'. She said. 'No, Mitchell, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words'. She then asked little Johnny what he had done? 'I read a book' he replied. That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?' Johnny thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, 'I read Winnie the Shlt'. ********************************* The Accident: The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in deepest fiordland, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Police Officers on his doorstep. "We are sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife" said the Senior Officer. "Tell me! Did you find her?" the husband shouted. The Officers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, "Give me the bad news first." The Senior Officer said, "I am sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in a fiord near where she went missing. "Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The Officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had several decent sized crabs and six large crays clinging to her." Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?" The Officer responded, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow." ********************************* A Damned Fine Splendid Explanation: A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman, and she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!' And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!' And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home from the office, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested she take a shower while I washed and dried her clothes and I loaned her that bathrobe I bought for your birthday that you don't wear because it doesn't have the right label in it. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were not just dirty, they were also full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she oviously needed fresh clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I gave ther that jacket you haven't worn since your sister bought one just like it. I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.' The husband took a quick breath and continued 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use? ********************************* WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Naturally Happier People-- One mood, all the time. Our last name stays put. The garage is all ours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. We can never be pregnant. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. We can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell us the truth. The world is our urinal. We never have to drive to another public toilet because this one is just too icky. We don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000, Tux-Rental-$100. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. We know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. We don't give a rat's behind what other people are saying about us. We can open all our own jars. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend. Our underwear is $12.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. We almost never have strap problems in public. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. Everything on our face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. We only have to shave our face and neck. We can lift heavy stuff without peeing. We can play with toys all our life. The wardrobe fairy hans up all our clothes. We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look. We can 'do' our nails with a pocket knife. We have freedom of choice on moustache growing matters. If the wardrobe fairy is off-duty, any corner will do. We can do our Christmas shopping in 30 minutes flat on December 24. We can't see dust. No wonder we are happier................. Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
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