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Thread ID: 140404	2015-10-05 23:19:00	Monday Time-Warp Laughs:....Indian Saddles, Italian Studs, Irish Priests, and more.	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1409475	2015-10-05 23:19:00	.tT . This week, the I's have it! A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," said the attendant, "Indians don't use saddles." ********************************* Guido, The Italian Stud A virile, middle-aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract the attentions of a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment, and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied "No" Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks "You finish?" Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No." Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?" Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear "No, I Norwegian." ********************************* An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. To his amazement, there's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in, and the man says "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." The priest replies: "Get out! You're on my side of the box." ********************************* New Treatment For Sunburn A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and after being diagnosed with second-degree burns, he was promptly admitted to the burns ward. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor'? The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.' ********************************* The only cow in a small village on a Pacific Island stopped giving milk. Because cows were scarce, the village-folk found they could buy a replacement animal from Australia for a much better price than buying in from another Island, so they shipped a cow from Australia, it produced lots of milk every day, and everyone in the village was happy. They then bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount it, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very knowledgeable, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward", they said, "and when he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from one side, she walks away to the other side". "The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance buy this cow in Australia?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Australia. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got this cow from Australia? With a distant look in his eye, the Vet replied: "My wife is from Australia." Cheers Billy 8-{) :waughh: Sorry about the late post, Mrs T had a minor altercation with the rear of another vehicle! It is amazing how little damage is deemed to justify a write off! Injuries confined to damage to an otherwise (almost*) spotless record, and a bruise on her foot. *When a brother was teaching her to drive, and while travelling at driveway speed, she rolled her fathers' car down a bank and into a tree! That's an upside-down roll, not forward!!	Billy T (70)
1409476	2015-10-05 23:41:00	.tT . Billy 8-{) :waughh: Sorry to hear about Mrs T there Billy glad there's no serious injury! Thanks for making my Time-Warp Monday :D	lordnoddy (3645)
1409477	2015-10-06 02:39:00	A judge was interviewing a man regarding his pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" He replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case? "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?' "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my wife's parents." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Sir, do you ever beat your wife up?" "Yes," he responded, "about twice a week I get up earlier than she does." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Guy, why are you getting a divorce?" He replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My wife does. She said she can't communicate with me."	CliveM (6007)
1409478	2015-10-06 03:51:00	. tT . Sorry about the late post, Mrs T had a minor altercation with the rear of another vehicle! It is amazing how little damage is deemed to justify a write off! Injuries confined to damage to an otherwise (almost*) spotless record, and a bruise on her foot . *When a brother was teaching her to drive, and while travelling at driveway speed, she rolled her fathers' car down a bank and into a tree! That's an upside-down roll, not forward!! I sympathise . I managed to butt-dial my garage door opener a couple of weeks ago (don't ask) and lowered the door onto the roof of my brand new Hyundai I30 wagon (<3000km on the clock) as I was reversing out of the garage . Ripped off the aerial, dented the roof at the base, scraped along the roof and deformed the track for the roof rack . Also damaged the garage door . Not my finest hour . :blush::o AA Insurance were good though . They took care of it all, and loaned me a little Suzuki Swift while they had my car .	Tony (4941)
1409479	2015-10-06 06:56:00	At closing time two deer come staggering out of a gay bar. One deer turns towards the other and says "I don't believe I blew 36 bucks in there"!.	tutaenui (1724)
1409480	2015-10-06 08:04:00	The other day I went to the doctor for a prostate check. I asked the doc where I should place my pants and was fairly perturbed when he said, "just over the chair over there with mine!" Ken	kenj (9738)
1409481	2015-10-06 21:18:00	The other day I went to the doctor for a prostate check . I asked the doc where I should place my pants and was fairly perturbed when he said, "just over the chair over there with mine!" Ken Hmmm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My doctor is an attractive woman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maybe I should reduce the time periods between my prostate checks? Cheers Billy 8-{) :D :tui:	Billy T (70)
1409482	2015-10-07 07:00:00	One day at school the teacher told the children that she wanted them to do something different and they were to write down what their fathers did for work. The children got stuck into this project and were excited and laughing all except little Tommy who just sat in his seat looking sad. The teacher saw how sad Tommy was and asked him why. Well miss my dad is a stripper in a gay bar and sometimes he doesn't come home and mummy cries all night and sometimes he sell his body for men's pleasure. The teacher dismissed the class telling Tommy to remain behind. Tommy is this really what your father does? No miss he said he plays rugby for England but I was too embarrassed to say. __________________	tutaenui (1724)
1409483	2015-10-07 22:39:00	Hope Mrs T is OK!	inphinity (7274)
1409484	2015-10-08 02:31:00	Hope Mrs T is OK! She's still a bit jumpy and grumpy, and can't decide what type of vehicle she wants as a replacement, or indeed if she wants a replacement at all, so I'm picking that the nerves will be a bit fragile for a few weeks to come . The atmosphere here has not been helped by our Insurance Company (no names, no pack drill) who lost the online accident report/claim form that I had carefully filled in on their website . Fortunately I had printed it to PDF before submitting via the net, so I was able to get a copy to a very helpful young lady who then took responsibility for the issue and set out to put it right . The delay is of no consequence, but understandably Mrs T is still a bit agitated, so Tumbrils were being mentioned at regular intervals . Cheers Billy 8-{) Tumbrils were the wagons that carried Royalty and the Gentry to the guillotines during the French Revolution! :horrified	Billy T (70)
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