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Thread ID: 140518	2015-10-26 22:28:00	MonTues Laughs:...Mrs T's Marriage Special...Took quite a while to make up her mind!!	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1410498	2015-10-26 22:28:00	. . The lost chapter of Genesis: Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be called 'woman'. He said, "This pretty creature will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it." Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" And of course, the rest is history...................... ********************************* My one day of employment...... So, after landing my new job as Foodtown’s greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day .... About two hours into my first day on the job, a very loud, hairy, overweight and extremely unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Foodtown. Nice children you have there, are they twins?' The ugly apparition stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*&^K no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's nine, and the other one's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just F*&^%ng stupid?' So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe that anybody would shag you twice. Have a good day and enjoy your shopping at Foodtown.' My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work .... ********************************* Reflections on Marriage: After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "darling, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white tv, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old girl. Now I have a $1.500,000. home, a $95,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen tv, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things." Fortunately my wife is a very reasonable woman: She told me I should go out and find a hot 25-year-old girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10" black and white TV. Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis. ********************************* Further Reflections on Marriage: If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's; . ....then adopt a dog. If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want; ....then adopt a dog. If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies; ....then adopt a dog. If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores; ..then adopt a dog ! If you want someone who never criticises what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually; ....then adopt a dog. BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness, . . . . ...............then adopt a cat! Now be honest, you thought I was going to say..... 'marry a man', didn't you? ********************************* A Marriage made in Heaven: On their way to get married, a young couple was involved in a fatal car accident. As a result, a short while later the couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer.......for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get wed, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?" Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" On hearing this, St. Peter went red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted....... "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer???" Cheers Billy 8-{) :devil	Billy T (70)
1410499	2015-10-27 06:46:00	The ultimate blond joke A blonde woman was speeding down the highway in her little red sports car when she was pulled over by a policewoman who was also blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's licence.She dug through her purse and was getting gradually more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked the cop.The cop replied "It's oblong and it has your picture on it" The driver finally found an oblong mirror and handed it to the cop."Here it is" she said. The blonde cop looked at the mirror,handed it back and said,"OK you can go, I didn't realize you were a cop too.................	tutaenui (1724)
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