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Thread ID: 140659	2015-11-22 08:59:00	Monday Laughs:....Walking Eagle, Beta issues for GOD Inc...and more.....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1411735	2015-11-22 08:59:00	. . On a recent trip to the U.S.A., and due to his assumed experiences in handling the Indigenous situation in New Zealand, John Key was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in Kitimat, B.C. Key spoke for almost an hour on his ideas for increasing every First Nation's present standard of living. At the conclusion of his speech, the tribes presented Key with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name – Walking Eagle. The proud PM then departed with his entourage, waving to the crowd as he left. A news reporter later asked the chiefs how they came to select the new name given to Key. The Chiefs explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shite, it can no longer fly. ********************************* Advisory: Distribution of Woman V1.25 [Release Candidate 1] Strikes Unexpected Delays As GOD Inc. made abundantly clear in the draft operator's manual 'Build Instructions, Beta Lifeform-Eden' (B.I.B.L.E), Woman is still undergoing V1.0 beta testing, so some minor flaws and programming conflicts are to be expected. Consequently the previously notified distribution of V1.01rc (release candidate 1.01) for full operational field testing has been delayed for the foreseeeable future. It appears that the original cloning from a basic ADAMS-RIB format proved to be less successful than hoped, but too much time and effort has been expended now to contemplate starting again from scratch with a shaped clay model. Erasing residual traces of present versions of Woman from the operating environment (all formats including Wife, Girlfriend, Mistress, Secretary, Platonic Relationship, Nubile Neighbour, Actress, Cheerleader, Swedish Masseuse, One Night Stand and in particular, Cougar or Mother in Law variants) might prove problematic as many of the applications have become closely linked with Man V1.** and rely heavily on shared resources. In addition, the present version does have some valuable attributes that a fresh 'ground-up' design team might overlook. Of course Man is now in full release-candidate V1.05r form, however during the latest field trials, residual programming conflicts continue to occur when used in conjunction with current Woman V1.0 installations. Disturbing reports have been received in relation to random failures of gas-release control systems, nocturnal noise factors, response speed to critical instruction sets, date awareness, memory leaks, fidelity response and general product reliability; therefore the promised version 1.05.0 with enhanced physical attributes and a ground-up personality code rewrite (to eliminate random resource leak issues) is unlikely to reach the market any time soon! The above problems, plus significant issues with ease of installation and uninstallation of both Man and Woman during reformatting of the operational environment mean that GOD Inc is unlikely to meet market expectations for delivery and product maturity. GOD Inc. share values are suffering accordingly and numerous competitors have entered the market offering different GOD look-alike operating systems. Inexperienced users should be warned that some of these GLA systems are quite radical and do not follow orthodox or predictable programming systems. Random interference with normal operation can occur spontaneously and at any time. Though normally localised, such interference can be very destructive and serious cross-boundary incidents have been observed to occur without warning on remote systems. While easily installed alongside current systems, and sometimes appearing an attractive option at first sight, these alternatives should be approached with caution as there are radical differences in the programming of both Man and Woman that many users might find unacceptable. In particular, Woman's administrator rights are severely curtailed in some versions while Man's programming contains some rather radical elements that require quite the opposite approach to current behavioural protocols, and these factors can bring down otherwise stable system structures when such conflicts occur. God Inc. therefore advises the exercise of continued caution for the foreseeable future, and current Beta users of Woman V1.0 should think carefully before attempting to access any of the semi-autonomous close-contact development programs. Regrettably, and for the foreseeable future, in order to guarantee that desired outcomes are achieved, it may from time to time be found necessary to revert to using older analogue (manually operated) Man sub-systems to ensure satisfaction on anything like a regular or reliable basis. ********************************* A US first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." "Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?". "I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too. "The teacher is now really annoyed. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a crappy hockey player, and your dad was a crappy hockey player? Would that mean that you're a crappy hockey player too?" A pause, and a smile, then says Kristen, "Nope! That'd mean I'm an American!" ********************************* A young engineer was leaving the office at 5.45 p.m. when he found the Acting CEO standing in front of a document shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as the paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy." Lesson: Never, ever, assume that your boss knows what he or she is doing. Cheers Billy 8-{) :rolleyes:	Billy T (70)
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