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Thread ID: 140737	2015-12-06 22:55:00	Monday Laughs:...Hotel Prices, the Love Dress, The patient lovers, and a Camel.....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1412468	2015-12-06 22:55:00	. . A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law answered. 'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed. 'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained. 'Love dress? But you're naked!' 'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained. 'Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.' The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. 'What are you doing?' he asked. 'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually. 'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?' ********************************* A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known necking spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?" The cop says: "What are you doing?" The young man says: "Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat The cop says: "And her, what is she doing?" The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater." Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane... and nothing obscene is happening! The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The young man says "I'm 22, sir." The cop asks: "And her...what's her age?" The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes. ********************************* The Hotel Bill Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this... Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for a few hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00! When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies. No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a cheque and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50.00." "That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here for four hours and you could have." ********************************* Molly The Camel A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent and as ladder lying on the ground beside it, so he asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there. The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly the Camel.' The Captain said, 'I can't say that I agree with this, but I do understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.' About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with lust and pent-up urges, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?' Sergeant replied, 'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are.' Moral of the story:- If you are not sure of how things are done in your new job, don't be ashamed to ask for clarification before 'dicking the camel'. Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1412469	2015-12-07 06:47:00	A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighbouring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked. "No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town." "Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?" "No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad." "Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."' The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."	tutaenui (1724)
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