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Thread ID: 141408	2015-12-13 23:13:00	Monday Laughs:...About Love, Marriage and Relationships...............	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1412763	2015-12-13 23:13:00	. . Marriage Humour: Once upon a time, on a farm far far out in the country, there lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- 'how can I possibly continue to feed my family now?' she cried, and in total despair, she hung herself. When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he took his gun and shot himself. Next, the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow as well), so he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to the river, he discovered a beautiful fairy woman sitting on the bank. She said to him, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair, but if you will make love to me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you." The son agreed to try, but after four times he was simply unable to rise to the occasion again. So, the beautiful fairy woman drowned him in the river. Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The beautiful fairy woman said to him, "If you will make love to me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times), it was not enough to satisfy the beautiful fairy woman, so she drowned him in the river too. The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his two brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in. There he too met the beautiful fairy woman. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only make love to me fifteen times in a row." The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?" The beautiful fairy woman was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?" Finally, she said, "Enough already, okay? If you will make love to me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health." Then the young son suddenly exclaimed: "But wait, how do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you, like it did the cow?" ********************************* Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing....? You've been sitting there reading our marriage certificate for over an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.' Wife: 'But you always carry my photo in your wallet... So why?' Hubby: 'Whenever I have a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.' Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?' Hubby: 'Yes, I do!' 'I see your picture and ask myself: What other problem can there be, that is greater than this one?' ********************************* Woman: 'When we get married sweetheart, I want to share all your worries and troubles, to lighten your burden....' Man: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' Woman: 'Well, perhaps that is because we aren't married yet.' ****************** Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' Mum: 'Well, you have done the right thing.' Son: 'But Mum, I was sitting on Daddy's knees!!' ****************** Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever. The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning...' ****************** A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!' Cheers Billy 8-{) :) No, Mrs T doesn't read Monday Laughs, however did you guess that? :devil	Billy T (70)
1412764	2015-12-13 23:41:00	I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and I noticed a towel-headed Muslim with a knife, sneaking through my next door neighbor’s garden. Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a spade, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it. Astonished, I got back into bed. My wife said, "You're upset, what is it?" “You'll never believe what I've just seen,” I said. “That son of a ***** next door still has my spade.” Ken	kenj (9738)
1412765	2015-12-14 00:26:00	I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and I noticed a towel-headed Muslim with a knife, sneaking through my next door neighbor’s garden. Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a spade, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it. Astonished, I got back into bed. My wife said, " You're upset, what is it? " “You'll never believe what I've just seen,” I said. “That son of a ***** next door still has my spade.” Ken Haha - that's great... totally didn't see that twist! I haven't posted in a while so here's some... *** A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, " Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later. " " That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, " but I don't think Pa would like me to. " " Aw come on boy, " the farmer insisted. " Well okay, " the boy finally agreed, and added, " but Pa won't like it. " After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. " I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset. " " Don't be foolish! " the neighbor said with a smile. " By the way, where is he? " " Under the wagon. " *** Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him? " One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand. " *** Little Johnny: Dad, Is it true? I heard that in some countries where arranged marriage is a custom, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries! Father: Son, that happens everywhere, after marriage you find out everything! *** I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high... She seemed surprised. *** A man crosses the road from a hospital and enters a bar and immediately asks for three treble whiskeys and a beer. The barman pours the drinks and the man swallows each whiskey in one swallow. The barman is alarmed by this and expresses his concern only for the man to reply, ”IF YOU HAD WHAT I HAVE THEN YOU WOULD BE KNOCKING THE DRINKS BACK TOO!” The barman places the beer on the counter and watches the man chug down the brew and asks sympathetically, “what have you got?” The man places the empty glass down and replies “an empty wallet.” *** An airplane encountered some turbulence, it started juddering and rocking noticeably from side to side. The flight crew wheeled out the drinks cart to keep the passengers calm. The attendant asked a business man “Would you like a drink? " “Why not?” he replied unkindly “I’ll have whatever the pilot’s been having. "	lordnoddy (3645)
1412766	2015-12-14 03:48:00	An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, move to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he buys them and wears them home. Walking proudly he goes into the kitchen and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looks him over, "Nope." Frustrated, Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the kitchen completely naked except for his boots, Again he asks, a little louder this time, "notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looks up and says, "Bert, whats different? its hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Bert yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY ITS HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope," she replies. "ITS HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE ITS LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!" Margaret replies.... "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Ya shoulda bought a hat."	SP8's (9836)
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