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Thread ID: 141535	2016-01-03 23:24:00	Monday Laughs:...From my archives: A trip down memory lane.....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1413981	2016-01-03 23:24:00	. . As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person: QUOTE FROM HAROLD (89) : I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?' Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. I do it every day and I really enjoy the procedures required. At his age, Harold should be an inspiration to us all. ********************************* A policeman in London spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford car. He radios for backup and the Op asks: "What's the situation?" "A big fat black fellah is dancing on a car roof." "You can't say that over the radio" replies the Op, "You have to use the politically correct terminology" "OK" he says "Zulu...Tango....Sierra" ********************************* Three little Boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been Baptised and didn't go to Sunday School, so they went to the nearest Church, but only the Janitor was there. One little Boy said, "We need to be baptised because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptise us?" "Sure," said the Janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now Baptised!" When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you." "We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water, and we're not Methdiss, ......because they just sprinkle water on you." The littlest one said, "didn't you smell that water!" The other two joined in asking, "Yeah! But what do you think that means?" "I think it means we're Pissbyterians." ********************************* A man is driving down a deserted country highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye........it reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 KMS He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought........ Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 Kms Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real when driving past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?' He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....' 'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops, 'Please knock on this door.' He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.......' He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door which closes behind him.The door locks and he finds himself in the parking lot facing another sign....... GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER!!!! ********************************* Sometimes.... when you cry... no one sees your tears. Sometimes.... when you are in pain... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes.... when you are worried... no one sees your stress. Sometimes.... When you are happy... no one sees your smile. But FART!! Just ONE time.... And everybody knows!! And you thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching stories with a warm and fuzzy punchline??? :devil Cheers, and a Happy and Prosperous New Year to you all May 2016 bring to you everything you wish for, but if it doesn't, them's the breaks! :D Billy 8-{) ;)	Billy T (70)
1413982	2016-01-04 01:28:00	A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I please have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 Baptist." Ken :banana	kenj (9738)
1413983	2016-01-04 06:34:00	--A farmer had 3 lovely daughters, all who had dates on Friday night. One by one the local boys came by to pick them up. The first boy arrived and said: "Hi, I'm Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're going steady, is she ready?" The farmer called Betty and she and Eddie went on their way. The second boy arrived and said: "Hi, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer called Flo and she and Joe went on their way. The third boy arrived in an old beat up pickup, came to the door and said: "Hi, I'm Chuck" The farmer shot him.	tutaenui (1724)
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