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Thread ID: 141736	2016-02-13 03:16:00	Monday Laughs: (For Early Birds ) Philosophy, Husband down. a Winker, and an Arab	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

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1416015	2016-02-13 03:16:00	. . The following is based on the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions, simply ponder on them. Just read the list straight through and you'll get the point. 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 2. Name the last five winners of NZ Golf Open. 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss New Zealand pageant. 4 Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. 5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress. 6. Name the last decade's worth of NZ Man or Woman of the Year. How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies... Awards tarnish... Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. Now! Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one: 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school. 2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time. 3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile. 4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special. 5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money ... or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most. Pass this on to those people who have either made a difference in your life, or whom you keep close in your heart, like I did. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. We're hours ahead of the rest of the world and nothing has happened yet! ********************************* A husband and wife are shopping in their local Foodtown. The husband picks up a 12 can pack of Steinlager and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'It’s my face cream... It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife. Her husband retorts: 'So does 12 cans of Steinlager and it's half the price.' On the Supermarket PA system: 'Emergency team to Aisle 25, we have a husband down.' ********************************* Jim has a winking problem, but is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. "Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of prophylactives: red, blue, ribbed, flavored; then finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanising all over, the country!" "Womanising? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these prophylactives?" "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?" ********************************* A young Arab asks his father: - What is this weird hat that we are wearing ? - It's a "chechia" because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun! - And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing ? - It's a "djbellah" because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body! - And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet ? - These are "babouches", which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert ! - Tell me, papa... - Yes, my son ? - Why are we still wearing all this crap when we've been living in TASMANIA for 10 years? Cheers Billy 8-{) :) Early post because I'm flying out at 6:00am Sunday.	Billy T (70)
1416016	2016-02-13 08:57:00	Paddy was yet again up before the magistrate “Now Paddy why do you appear before me today?” the judge asked “For having sex with a goat your Honour” Paddy replied. “Mmm I see” said the judge “and who is that standing next to you in the dock?” “Ir's my best mate Sean you Honour” “Right and why do you appear before me Sean?” “For acting the goat your Honour”	tutaenui (1724)
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