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| Thread ID: 141972 | 2016-04-04 00:23:00 | Monday Laughs: Starting with a video is novel, but it was just too good to waste! | Billy T (70) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 1418627 | 2016-04-04 00:23:00 | . B . [Who Gives This Woman?] (http) The Video of an Arkansas Farmer giving his nice-looking, tractor-driving, tobacco-chewing daughter away in marriage. ********************************* Retirement Options, Plan G... Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself, but the Government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you. So, what do you do? You opt for “Medicare Retirement Plan G”. This plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Plan G) plus one bullet, and you are permitted to shoot one worthless politician of your choice (get up close, you wouldn't want to miss such a golden opportunity). Hit or miss, this means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life, where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the Health Care you need. New teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex-change, or heart surgery? They are all covered, and as an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now! So, who will be paying for all of this? Well folks, it will be the same damned government that just told you they can't afford to subsidise you into a nursing home. Not only will you get rid of a useless politician, you will solve your retirement problems while you are at it, and best of all, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes! Is this a great country or what? Now that I've solved the financial plan for your senior years, relax and enjoy the rest of your week! ********************************* I just received from the Inland Revenue Department the result of an audit on my tax return for 2015 and it is really puzzling me!! They are questioning the number of dependants that I claimed for. Their question was ............. "List all your dependants?" So I replied: 1,000 immigrants for whom we provide everything; 1,000 crack / dope heads in rehab; 100,000 bludgers choosing to be on the dole and not even looking for work; 10,000 people in prison; 3,000 overstayers here for a ‘working holiday’ .......; The whole Treaty of Waitangi Gravy Train; and the 120 tossers in the Beehive!!! They told me that this was NOT the correct answer. SO I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, "WHO THE HELL DID I FORGET ??? " ********************************* Indian Business Partners Vaswani, Daswani and Mahtani had all been close friends since childhood, so they decided they wanted to go into business together. Daswani says, "OK! I'll invest $100,000." Vaswani says, "I will go for $200,000". Mahtani says, "All right, I'll put in $1,000." Vaswani says, "If I'm putting in $200,000, I'll be the President and CEO of the corporation. You, Daswani, for your $100,000, you can be Vice President and CFO, and Mahtani, for your $1,000 you will be our Sexual Adviser." Puzzled, Mahtani asks Vaswani, "What is a Sexual Adviser?" Vaswani replies, "If we want your f@#$*&g' advice, we'll ask for it." ********************************* Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean, ...... it doesn't matter to me! I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.' Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, 'No kidding? I'm a Lawyer too. What firm are you with?' Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs: |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 1418628 | 2016-04-04 09:06:00 | Angela Merkel arrives at Immigration in Athens airport. "Nationality?" asks the immigration officer. "German," she replies. "Occupation?" "No, just here for a few days." |
tutaenui (1724) | ||
| 1418629 | 2016-04-04 09:36:00 | The Farmer link does not work for Me ? PJ | Poppa John (284) | ||
| 1418630 | 2016-04-04 10:10:00 | The Farmer link does not work for Me ? PJ Trry www.youtube.com |
R2x1 (4628) | ||
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