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Thread ID: 142063	2016-04-18 04:12:00	Monday Laughs: Paddy & Mick. an Animal Tale, and a little more......................	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1419282	2016-04-18 04:12:00	. . Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital. Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, oh he's out in Rehab exercising'. Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm and the very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw, so Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital. Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again, exercising', and sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. Very soon Mick comes back to work, but, as usual, Mick being Mick, within a couple of days he has another accident and this time he severs his head. Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead.' Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose the saw finally did him in.' 'No', says the nurse, 'Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated'. ******************************** A Horse, a Chicken & a Harley: On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were having a bit of fun when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley, and finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story?? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral!) -> 'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks! ******************************** Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze. 1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner.' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why is that stupid?' 1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin' machines!' 1st Hillbilly says: 'Why is that so stupid?' 2nd Hillbilly says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'! 3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found six condoms in thar.' 1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?' 3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no dick! ******************************** A recent study found that the average New Zealander walks about 1500 kilometres a year. Another study found that the average New Zealander drinks 100 Litres of beer a year. That means the average New Zealander gets about 15 Kilometres per litre! Bloody good value that, given that we are equipped with an automatic transmission with only one ratio! ******************************** One matron to another: "I don't want to brag, or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the same earrings I wore in high school." Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
1419283	2016-04-18 06:55:00	Mamma taught her well! You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make. A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says". The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?" The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it." The teacher got a coughing fit and had to leave the room. Ken :)	kenj (9738)
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