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Thread ID: 54233	2005-02-07 07:52:00	Monday Laughs (Belated)	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
322442	2005-02-07 07:52:00	Subject: AAADD (Sound familiar?) Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway; I may as well pay the bills first. I take my cheque-book off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I'd better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one cheque in my cheque-book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail. Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I can't remember who I have sent it to, and don't laugh - if this isn't you yet, your day is coming! GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC! Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
322443	2005-02-07 08:00:00	Are you getting at me Billy? Sounds like me anyway. Jack	JJJJJ (528)
322444	2005-02-07 08:25:00	Hey, I resemble that Billy. Oh the joy to know one is not alone... :@@:	John H (8)
322445	2005-02-07 09:29:00	Are you getting at me Billy? Sounds like me anyway. Jack Hell no, Jack :( It was more of a self portrait in words. I identified with it the moment I read it. :eek: Cheers Billy 8-{) :D	Billy T (70)
322446	2005-02-07 17:08:00	A story told by Selwyn Toogood after he retired.. (I've heard other versions since, but his was the first). From an earnest acquaintance: "Do you ever think about the hereafter?" "Oh, yes," said Selwyn. "Several times a day, in fact." The man was quite impressed - before the explanation. "At home, I frequently find myself in another room, wondering: 'Now what am I in here after?'"	Laura (43)
322447	2005-02-07 18:04:00	What if there were no hypothetical questions? Is there another word for synonym? What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?	Strommer (42)
322448	2005-02-07 20:05:00	Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'" A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" " No," he replied, "arthritis."	smithie 38 (6684)
322449	2005-02-08 19:43:00	ONLY IN AMERICA - NOTHING IS FUNNIER THAN THE TRUTH 1 . Only in America . . . . . . can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance . 2 . Only in America . . . . . . are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink . 3 . Only in America . . . . . . do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front . 4 . Only in America . . . . . . do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke . 5 . Only in America . . . . . . do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters . 6 . Only in America . . . . . . do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage . 7 . Only in America . . . . . . do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we ] didn't want to talk to in the first place . 8 . Only in America . . . . . . do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight . 9 . Only in America . . . . . . do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' . 10 . Only in America . . . . . . do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering . 11 . Only in America . . . . . . can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House . . . . See more at: . bawandinesh . net/wabawa . asp" target="_blank">www . bawandinesh . net	Strommer (42)
322450	2005-02-09 02:14:00	How to clean a toilet 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse". 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. Sincerely, The Dog	Edward (31)
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