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Thread ID: 142262	2016-05-30 06:23:00	Monday Laughs: .........Excuses, Language problems, Dead Parrot, & Romance.....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
1421137	2016-05-30 06:23:00	. . Best Things to Say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk.......................... "The Doctor at the Blood Bank told me this might happen." "This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time-management course you sent me." "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!" "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm." "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." "I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress." "Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." "The coffee machine is broken..." "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..." and, probably best and safest of all......... "....... in Jesus' name, Amen....... Yes, did you want me?" ********************************* A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs. Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts. On the third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store... Her husband speaks English! So what were you thinking then? I worry about you lot sometimes! ********************************* At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead". "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?" "Si, Senor, that's the one." "Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?" "From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod." "Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?" "Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse. " "Dead horse? What dead horse?" "The thoroughbred, Senor Rod." "My prize thoroughbred is dead?" "Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire, Senor." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire." "What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!" "Yes, Senor Rod." "But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?" "For the funeral, Senor Rod." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!" "Your wife's, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a burglar thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft." SILENCE......LONG SILENCE.................VERY LONG SILENCE........................ "Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in DEEP shlt!" ********************************* ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy Cheers Billy 8-{) :D (Phew, I made it on Monday............)	Billy T (70)
1421138	2016-05-30 06:47:00	I liked the Russian woman story... :)	R.M. (561)
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