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Thread ID: 55541	2005-03-13 08:37:00	MONDAY LAUGHS	Strommer (42)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
333649	2005-03-14 09:47:00	Chilli cookoff (www.aarons-jokes.com)	E|im (87)
333650	2005-03-14 10:40:00	Yay, Tony For that delightful one, this branch of the sisterhood awards you one free blonde joke (provided it's a goodie)	Laura (43)
333651	2005-03-14 17:08:00	No Spikka Inglish.......... A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men says the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives...... " "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'"	Renmoo (66)
333652	2005-03-14 20:51:00	From: Letters to the Editor, New Scientist magazine, 18 Sept 2004 Beware Tidy Minds You observe that "messy homes lead to messy minds" (28 August p 15). For many years I was employed as a research scientist for a multinational company, during which time I had to deal with a variety of ‘high-ups’. All the researchers knew what to expect by the state of their offices: those with tidy offices had tidy minds, managed everything, had everything in its place as beloved by administrators, and couldn’t recognise a new idea if it got up and bit them.And i always said i had a creative mind...... Steve_L, I hope you don't mind, but i just sent copies of the above to my messier friends, with the subject "your excuse", and then realised that each recipient was either artist or musician! :D	personthingy (1670)
333653	2005-03-14 22:15:00	Chilli cookoff (www.aarons-jokes.com) As a chilli fan with a nasty addiction to the stuff I loved that one. Thanks E|im. :D	FoxyMX (5)
333654	2005-03-14 22:17:00	One for Winston.... Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer..... In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.Jones, do you know me?" She responded, Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. " The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones. do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt." :D	FoxyMX (5)
333655	2005-03-14 22:24:00	And one for the boys . . . . New Invention !! Dr . Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in . At a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr . Rickson outside and kicked the **** out of him . :eek:	FoxyMX (5)
333656	2005-03-14 23:28:00	Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working. This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television...and later to the remote control. I thought this was quite good sarel	sarel (2490)
333657	2005-03-15 00:20:00	Guess I'd better join in: The local Salvation Army office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer . A local volunteer calls to solicit his donation, saying "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over a million dollars, you do not give one penny to charity! Wouldn't you like to give back to your community through the Salvation Army ?" The lawyer thinks for a moment and says: "First, did your research show that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?" Embarrassed, the Salvation Army rep mumbles, "Uh, no . " "Secondly, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?" The stricken Salvation Army rep begins to stammer an apology but is cut off . "Thirdly, that my sister's husband died in a dreadful traffic accident", the lawyers voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children?" The humiliated Salvation Army rep, completely beaten, says simply, "I had no idea . " The lawyer then says " . . . and if I don't give any money to THEM, why should I give any to you?"	Winston001 (3612)
333658	2005-03-15 20:35:00	Just in case you've had a rough day, here's an 8 step stress management technique recommended in the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works.... 1. Picture yourself near a stream. 2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. 3. No one but you knows your secret place. 4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the World". 5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 6. The water is crystal clear. 7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater. 8. See! You're smiling already.	Strommer (42)
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