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Thread ID: 56145	2005-03-28 10:13:00	Monday Laughs: With a vaguely religious theme!	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
338800	2005-03-28 10:13:00	The following statements about the Bible were allegedly written by children . They have not been retouched or corrected . Incorrect spelling has been left as is . 1 . In the first book of the bible, guinessis . God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off . 2 . Adam and eve were created from an apple tree . Noah's wife was joan of ark . Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears . 3 . Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night . 4 . The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals . 5 . Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like delilah . 6 . Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles . 7 . Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients . 8, The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert . Afterwards, moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments . 9 . The first commandments was when eve told adam to eat the apple . 10 . The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery . 11 . Moses died before he ever reached canada . Then joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol . 12 . The greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him . 13 . David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar . He fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times . 14 . Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines . 15 . When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta . 16 . When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager . 17 . Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption . 18 . St . John the blacksmith dumped water on his head . 19 . Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you . He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone . 20 . It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance . 21 . The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels . 22 . The epistels were the wives of the apostles . 23 . One of the oppossums was st . Matthew who was also a taximan . 24 . St . Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige . 25 . Christians have only one spouse . This is called monotony Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
338801	2005-03-28 10:56:00	Thank you once again Billy T :D	personthingy (1670)
338802	2005-03-28 18:56:00	Billy T you are a beaut.	JJJJJ (528)
338803	2005-03-28 23:34:00	In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkof was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harboured and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America . His answer: "I believe that forgiving them is God's function . Our job is simply to arrange the meeting . " Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside . Show respect for age . Drink good scotch for a change . The old believe everything: the middle-aged suspect everything: the young know everything . The four stages of man are: Infancy, Childhood, Adolescence and Obsolescence .	Cicero (40)
338804	2005-03-29 00:01:00	Aviation Truisms --------------------------------------------------------- The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. --------------------------------------------------- What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up.the pilot dies. ------------------------------------------- The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh S---!" -----------------------------------------------	Strommer (42)
338805	2005-03-29 00:46:00	President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar . A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them . " So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We're planning WW III . " And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big boobs . " The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?" Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one CARES about the 140 million Muslims" . :cool:	Scouse (83)
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