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Thread ID: 56345	2005-04-02 12:32:00	TEENAGE SUICIDE	Princess (7275)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
340909	2005-04-02 12:32:00	My sisters friend from school tragically took her own life yesterday, shocking both my sisters, myself, their school and our entire community . This is infact the first teenage suicide I've known of in our rural area . . . Their is total sadness for what on the outside appeared to be a happy, full of life and laughter teenager, who was clearly not so . . . Parents throughout the community are now aware of the underlying issue nobody really talks about or is prepared to accept is on the increase in our nation . Only two weeks ago, my youngest sister (13) cut both her arms, on the inside from the wrists up . Mum and I went into immediate anger, worry, concern and more concern, because this was totally out of character . Another sister and a brother-in-law brushed it off as attention seeking . When talking with my younger sister, she told me that she just gets so angry and frustrated with her parents, life and school and hurts herself as opposed to destroying her room! Since the death of their school friend my younger sister has been with me, we've talked about things as straight up as possible - and that there is no second chance . . . and that nothing is ever so bad that she couldn't talk to me about it, anything! Where's the rule book for all this stuff . . . !!!! I'm not a mother of teenagers yet - and I certainly am not an expert on teenage behaviour - only that of my own from some years ago!!! There was no time to think of hurting ourselves then as there were too many other things to do . . . What is happening? Is it society, tv, economics? Very, very sad day . . . Please hug your teenagers (children, siblings, etc), they will wonder what the heck is wrong with you, then probably ask you for the keys to your car whilst the goings good! Just let them know you care and are there if they need to talk . . . Don't assume they already know that . . .	Princess (7275)
340910	2005-04-02 23:51:00	That is a terrible story - hang in there with your sister Princess, because she obviously needs your support at the moment and for the future . You may like to look at the Suicide Prevention NZ website for some ideas: http://www . spinz . org . nz/ And your sister's school counsellor should be trained to support her and your family in such a situation . You can also go to the Ministry of Health website: http://www . moh . govt . nz/ and search for Youth Suicide Prevention Strategy - there are some good resources there to help make sense of the whole thing . They are mainly aimed at professionals rather than family members, but you should find some good information . Sometimes there are clusters of these things in communities, so you may also like to consider whether a community response would be valuable to support your sister and her peers as they come to grips with what has happened . Arohanui - John	John H (8)
340911	2005-04-02 23:59:00	TV has been around for yonks and in and of itself would not be a factor . Essentially, a television is just a tool; It's the content that is displayed on a TV that is potentially the problem . I blame it on society, kids arent being raised with the same sense of wonder that they once were . For example, check out this: . lp . co . nz/links/bombs . mpg" target="_blank">www . lp . co . nz Ahhh those were the days :) (You might also like to download some George Carlin tracks about his opinions on the modern child and parenting . Hilarious but true . ) But what I mean is, kids look at what the corporate driven media is cramming down their throats, what the media is telling them to be, and when through their own normality (averageness, mediocrity) they dont acheive what the media tells them they have to be, they get upset . Couple that with an overboard increase in safety, political correctness etc, there's an entire generation of soft kids who are more susceptible to varying traumas (emotional, physical etc) . It used to be women and children first, and it still is very much so - Media is brainwashing women and children spend their entire lives striving to be "perfect" (and passive - especially Women . ) The unfortunate truth is that nothing is ever perfect, so it's a futile endeavour, and a great shame . This problem is increasing in Men these days too . Want to know what to do? Give the kids something to do . A team sport or activity . Something that promotes good friendships and a healthy lifestyle . Let's touch on this . You say: There was no time to think of hurting ourselves then as there were too many other things to do . . . We're in a society of convenience now . I remember asking my dad if we could get a dishwasher, he laughed and said "why? I've got 4 perfectly good dishwashers" referring to myself and my 3 brothers . Same thing with lazyboys "I already have 4 lazy boys" But I digress . When we were younger, we had things to do, we went out exploring, we made our own fun . These days kids sit around inside all day on computers and playstations while dishwashers and whipped parents do everything for them . This gives them plenty of time to think . Ever done career graveyarding? That's depressing because you've got a lot of time to think . And when you have a lot of time to think, you start to realise just how messed up things are When I was a kid, I was too busy reading or getting in mudfights or riding my BMX or staring at the clouds for hours on end to stop and ponder "why are we here" and other such angsty stuff . I'm from a small town where the average teenager will tell you "this town sucks - there's nothing to do!" but the truth is, there is plenty to do, you just had to get off your arse and do it, and I think that holds true with many communities internationally . I recall seeing a documentary about a small community in the frosty far north (Canada if I recall correctly) that had one of, if not the highest youth suicide per capita rates in the world, I'm talking like one a fortnight . One of the new teachers who arrived from America couldnt believe it, so he started a high school lacrosse team . Now; No youth suicides . Give them something to get involved in that will take their mind off the overbearing stresses that modern society shoulders them with . Some St John's Wort to balance them out a little wouldnt hurt either . Now, if only I could take my own advice ;) . vital . org . nz/images/2c . jpeg" target="_blank">www . vital . org . nz	whetu (237)
340912	2005-04-03 00:13:00	What is happening? Is it society, tv, economics? Thank you for posting this, although it is terrible to read . I am so sorry that you have to suffer with family/friends like this . Please talk to others - it does help - perhaps those in the helping profession . We have a shocking suicide rate in our lovely country . Why??? IMHO, all of the above that you list are relevant, and more . . . {Please do not take this as aimed at you, but rather towards the general population of teenagers . } Their music - often 'head-banging' with negative messages in the lyrics . Too much TV, and the programs they watch can be mindless, violent . TV + PCs :eek: Research has shown that fast flickering movements have a negative impact on brain development . Poor nutrition - food additives, junk food, lack of good food at school lunches . Families do not sit at a table and have meals together any more - a recent Dominion Post (Wgtn) article explained the problems that result . . . Poor parenting, poor schooling/educating . Too much freedom given to teenagers, not enough responsibility required of them, e . g . household chores (they feel not needed, useless) . Drugs Lack of sleep . Lack of exercise . (Obesity is on the rise - here in NZ !! ) (Politically correct) Legal rights - "I have my rights - you cannot make me do that!) Lack of spirituality (not just church - there are other paths) .	Strommer (42)
340913	2005-04-03 00:53:00	Too much freedom given to teenagers, not enough responsibility required of them, e.g. household chores (they feel not needed, useless). I have a mate, who's depressed, and has plenty of chores to keep him busy! Let's not forget to add social pressures and the depression that arises from trauma...	Growly (6)
340914	2005-04-03 01:09:00	I have a mate, who's depressed, and has plenty of chores to keep him busy! Let's not forget to add social pressures and the depression that arises from trauma... Yes, OK. There are many factors. I do not believe just one factor can cause suicide or depression; usually it is a combination of things. Genetics also.	Strommer (42)
340915	2005-04-03 01:26:00	:( that is really sad	Prescott (11)
340916	2005-04-03 08:35:00	I find myself agreeing with all of the above thoughts. In particular Whetu sets out causes which arise simply because we live in such a safe and wealthy society. There are no challenges, no risks. There are many different reasons for youth suicide and therefore no single answers. But sharing it with us is a good step.	Winston001 (3612)
340917	2005-04-03 11:53:00	Hey Princess, I'm sorry to hear this. I have saved 2 of my friends lives from taking their own, 1 of them, I'm engaged to her and we will be getting married in October. My other friend, well it's always going to be hard for her unless she can find someone who's strong for her, as I can only do so much as to give her advice and hope that she makes the right choice. Her best friend commited suicide, 3 days before her birthday, that her birthday is just her most depressed times. My fiance, and the other friend, both have gone through what your sister's is doing, with this self inflicting pain. My fiance use to slit her wrists, even before I had met her, twice, once in front of me in which I tried stopping and the second time, a result of us (we got into a fight, I stormed out leaving her, knowing full well what she would do). This second time was the first time her parents found out (because they thought it was weird that I stormed out, and went to ask her why I had left and that's when they saw her in the act, thought already too late, her wrists were dripping), and I believe the first time that her family (sisters and brothers) found out too. Now the result, her dad (sorry to say but he definitely over reacted in that situation and could have seriously made things worse, he just never understood). When I found out her second time was the deepest, I was there straight away, I didn't want this being a result of something that I could have caused. I have to say screw TV, society and economics, why are you looking to point blame at something? As I've always said, it's easier to blame than to resolve. Your sister really needs someone who's strong, who understands what she's going through, it would help if experienced wise they did, maybe someone who's recovered from similar situations? I myself have 2 failed attempts at commiting suicide and if you want something to blame, then the answer is life. It doesn't matter if you think your life is great or not, that's not the reason, you really get to a stage where you think life's problems are meaningless where you feel that life has no meaning (where you actually believe you've found an equation in life that reflects everything, where it all comes down to one thing and that life leads you nowhere but to death). Suicide is a means to resolve your lifes problems, if you take away life, you'll have no problems with life, it's as simple as that. You speed the process up by adding death to your life. The problem however that I came across (why each attempt failed), is the problems I'd cause for others, now I knew my life and I am not afraid of death, but I would not give other people problems just by me accepting my answer, commiting suicide ends my problems, but it gives those who were around me problems too (I'm too smart for my own good). I can say, I'll never lose this state of mind, but it's less apparent now that I have meaning in my life. School counsellor, forget it, don't ever resolve it from something related to school, (actual) professional help (my soon to be father-in-law's company paid for my fiance's sessions, might be some medical thing, but I'm not sure what covered it). She only had two sessions, and I sat through the first one with her and the key thing they spoke about was not family, upbringing, childhood, but the actual present (they did try getting the other detail out, but it was complete silence). When the therapist started talking about the current situation, especially in her relationship with me, it was a different sign and for the first time, she opened herself up. I have to say, it wasn't therapy that helped her, it was the fact that I was always there, even at the 2nd session, in which I sat in the waiting room for the complete hour waiting for her, and she always looked forward to hanging out with me. As I said, your sister really needs someone who's strong. Now with my other friend, her best friend commited suicide 3 days before her birthday, I think her cousin, passed away in her arms (she was quite young and didn't fully understand), and she was there when her grandad passed away and all she could remember were all the tubes and stuff that he was attached to while in hospital. About a month ago, her other grandad was ill and she was depressed and I went over and saw her, and I tried reasoning with her, I knew she wanted to see him, but she feels that good people die around her and she didn't want to see her grandad in the same state she saw her other grandad in. I brought her out of tears and got her laughing again, but it still was hiding what was deep inside. You are only given a few chances in life, take them as they come. Your sister needs your support and someone to listen to her true self, not these facades, don't try explaining to her what's right and wrong, she already knows this, don't think what she's doing is wrong either, if you can imagine that the pain is a way of them bringing themselves back into reality, then this is kind of like their reason, they are also playing along a fine line between life and death, one way or another, they are going to regret the mistake they made, they might not even see it now, they may only see it when it's too late. I don't know whether a site on preventing suicide is any good, since there really is no answer to why it could happen and how to prevent it, it's the same reason why people still don't fully understand self inflicting pain, sometimes it's triggered by some form of action, other people, seeing the world in a different perspective. I also have reason to believe that your sister might be creative in some way, try bringing out this creativity, it's their method of talking about their life. This is where I've found a lot of understanding from my fiance and my other friend, my fiance writes poems (she won a poetry contest) and songs, my other friend writes poems and stories and they each describe their life, in ways that even you may have not seen it in. I should also mention I play in a garage band and the songs I write reflect my own life, I've also taken up games programming, and the game I'm creating is hopefully reflecting an ever changing world, where state of matter is just what you think you see. Well, hoping all the best, in the end, the decisions that are made can only be done in their best interest, against their will is not good enough, unless desperation is your final act, if it gets too far, there's still chance though. KK	Kame (312)
340918	2005-04-03 22:53:00	Like many, i live with depression. It runs to some extent in my family on a genetic level. I could except my "fate" and spend my life wanting to die, but fortunately there are better alternatives. They come down to using my creative side. I have turned depression on itself and made it into a motivation. Every gig i work on, every load of gear i bring into or take from each pub, every time i'm behind the mixing desk (me = sound man) i am motivated by my self chosen destiny, laced with a desire not to rot. I'm also damn good at what i do, possibly in part because of this. There have been those who have tried to take this from me, to make more "normal" but to send someone like myself into a "normal" life is a death sentence, or worse. 2 years ago i ended a relationship with a woman who was determined to destroy my relationships with music, performance, other people, and even this forum because she felt threatened by it all. She was killing me, and therefore had to go. Without her i thrive, i'm following my dreams, and choosing my own destiny. I must take care with relationships, as we all do, and with most choices so that i know i am doing what is right for me. Knowing what is right for me is the key thing. My advice for those who suffer depression, or are concerned about friends who have this to deal with, is focus. Don't focus on the depression itself, as that is a hole that we need to climb out of, not fall into. Focus on what can be, what the person needs to be, remembering that its their choice. Focus on their dreams, perhaps even help them find their dreams or direction, but don't try to give them your dreams or direction, as that would be disastrous for all. There will be those that fall of, and choose death. I feel that that may be better than living a lifetime in the hole we call depression and although i feel the loss, i must respect their decision. (yes i expect a huge argument from those who'd rather see people suffer) Remember too. No matter what we do for people, and no matter what state we find others in, the choices are individual. We are not responsible for others, they are responsible for themselves. We should not drag ourselves down into a bottomless pit trying to help those who have decided not to be help able. Last and not least... Prosac sux It disconnects inconvenient cogs in the brain providing a temparary ease, but does nothing to help a person sort their life out.	personthingy (1670)
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