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Thread ID: 56912	2005-04-18 06:50:00	Monday Laughs: Short 'n sweet, but better late than never!	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
346300	2005-04-18 06:50:00	Once upon a time a guy said to a girl: "Will you marry me?" She said "No" And they both lived happily ever after. Cheers Billy 8-{) ;)	Billy T (70)
346301	2005-04-18 06:53:00	Together ????	TonyF (246)
346302	2005-04-18 07:57:00	Our chemistry teacher ask us to write the following message on her very own test paper: "Don't write anything on the test paper" Cheers :)	Renmoo (66)
346303	2005-04-18 08:32:00	An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter every where, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day	smithie 38 (6684)
346304	2005-04-18 12:45:00	That reminds me of a scene out of Hitch, Billy. bl00dy good movie too :)	Chilling_Silence (9)
346305	2005-04-18 23:44:00	bl00dy good movie too :) I concur. Absolutely hilarious. :D.	D. McG (3023)
346306	2005-04-19 01:14:00	A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later, their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool -- for 4 weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!"	Marnie (4574)
346307	2005-04-19 04:15:00	Ever send an email to the wrong address? A couple from Michigan, who were both in marketing, decided to go to Florida to thaw out during one particularly icy winter . They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier . Because of their hectic travel and work schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their flight schedules . So, the husband left Detroit and flew to Miami on Thursday, with his wife flying down from Chicago the following day . The husband checked into the hotel . There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife . However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail . Meanwhile . . . somewhere in Alabama, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral . He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack . The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends . After reading the first message, she fainted . The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: From: Your Husband Sent: Sun, 1/29/2005 5:41 PM To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived I know you're surprised to hear from me . They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones . I've just got all checked in and I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow . Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was . PS - Sure is hot down here! has notified the sender that this message has been received . Oxie (Lyn)	Oxie (1318)
346308	2005-04-20 04:59:00	Old Harold's In The Hospital Harold was an old man . He was sick and in the hospital . There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy . Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child . She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning?' or "Are we ready for a bath?" or "Are we hungry?" Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse . One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand . He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing . The juice was apple juice . So . . you know where the juice went! The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it . "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today . " At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again . Maybe I can filter it better this time . " The nurse fainted! . . Old Harold just smiled! DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!! :D	FoxyMX (5)
346309	2005-04-20 05:05:00	Military Truths (one for Bruce :D) "AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher "WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND." -US Marine Corps "CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop. "IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU." -Infantry Journal "A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M2! 03 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT." -Army's magazine of prevention maintenance "IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST BOMBED." -US. Air Force manual "TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO." -Infantry Journal "TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS." -U.S. Army Ordnance "FIVE-SECOND FUSES ONLY LAST THREE SECONDS." -Infantry Journal "BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE AFRAID." -David Hackworth "IF YOUR ATTACK IS GOING TOO WELL, YOU'RE WALKING INTO AN AMBUSH." -Infantry Journal "NO COMBAT-READY UNIT HAS EVER PASSED INSPECTION." -Joe Gay "ANY SHIP CAN BE A MINESWEEPER ... ONCE." -Anon "NEVER TELL THE PLATOON SERGEANT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO." -Unknown Marine Recruit "DON'T DRAW FIRE; IT IRRITATES THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU." -Infantry Journal "IF YOU SEE A BOMB TECHNICIAN RUNNING, TRY TO KEEP UP WITH HIM." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop	FoxyMX (5)
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