Forum Home
PC World Chat
Thread ID: 57179	2005-04-25 20:32:00	Monday Laughs: Snappy Answers	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
348691	2005-04-25 20:32:00	Snappy Answer #1 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets . As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her . Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub . " Snappy Answer #2 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family . She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead . " Snappy Answer # 3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window . "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said . The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could . " When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket . Snappy Answer #4 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway . A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead . " Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge . Cars are backed up for miles . Finally, a police car comes up . The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "Hell no, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas . " Snappy Answer #5 A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled and a single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers . Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk . He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS . " The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir . I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out . " The passenger was unimpressed . He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitation, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone . "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal . "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS . If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14 . " With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore . "F*** you!" Without even blinking, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too . " Snappy Answer #6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR: A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam . "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow . I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering . When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand . " Cheers Billy 8-{) :)	Billy T (70)
348692	2005-04-25 21:33:00	:D :lol: :D	personthingy (1670)
348693	2005-04-25 22:02:00	A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work . One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway . " Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window . My husband's home early! " " I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there! " " If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both! " she replied . " He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems! " So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them . Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could . After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer . " Do you always run in the nude? " one asked " Oh yes! " he replied, gasping in air . " It feels so wonderfully free! " Another runner moved alongside . " Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm? " " Oh, yes " our friend answered breathlessly . " That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! " Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried . " Do you always wear a condom when you run? " " Nope . . . . . . . . . just when it's raining .	plod (107)
348694	2005-04-25 22:26:00	In a tiny village on the New Zealand coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it . Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements . As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN" Not long after, the old maid died peacefully . A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker--postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen . He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone . For days, he agonized over the dilemma . But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem . The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows: RETURNED UNOPENED	smithie 38 (6684)
348695	2005-04-26 02:38:00	A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital . She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me How a patient is doing?" The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear . What's the name and Room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel, room 302 . " The Operator replied, "Let me check . Oh, good news . Her record say that Holly is doing very well . Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr . Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday . " The Grandmother said, "Thank you . That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news . " The operator replied, "You're more than welcome . Is Holly your daughter?" The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302 . No one tells me ****!"	Strommer (42)
348696	2005-04-26 03:19:00	Who is the fool? The one with the umbrella? Or everyone else soaking wet?	bob_doe_nz (92)
348697	2005-04-26 05:23:00	Can anybody explain how it knows the symbol you chose? www.superlaugh.com	Ninjabear (2948)
348698	2005-04-26 05:53:00	The Schit Family History is finally revealed . Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Read on and you'll be able to handle the situation intelligently . Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O . Schitt . Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O . Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc . Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt . Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout . After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Schitt divorced . Noe Schitt later married a Mr . Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Schitt-Sherlock . Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt . The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt . Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, inseperable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers . The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event . The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse . Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world . He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt . So, now if someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can beg to differ . You not only know Jack Schitt, but everyone on the Schitt list!	Ninjabear (2948)
348699	2005-04-26 06:05:00	... I think there should be a new rule in "Monday Laughs" to not re-post the same jokes over and over or any variations of the same jokes. :groan: When you've heard them once, you just don't "laugh" at them anymore. FYI, #1,#2,#3,#4 & #6 have been done before.	E|im (87)
348700	2005-04-26 06:05:00	Can anybody explain how it knows the symbol you chose? www.superlaugh.com It asks you to create a number divisable by 9, and then displays the symbol to match. Look at the symbol for 18 as an example, that will be the symbol displayed when it shows "what you were thinking" :D	personthingy (1670)
1 2