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Thread ID: 57892	2005-05-15 13:53:00	Monday Laughs: *Cough* Golfing story - 16 May	vapo (5203)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
355461	2005-05-15 13:53:00	An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun lying flat on his back unconscious, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologise. I really didn't mean to hit you." And the golfer walks off. "What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. "But it was fair and square that he got me, and I have to do something for him so I'll give him the three things I would want. A great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life." A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. "T'was me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. "In fact, that's the first bad ball I've hit in a year! I'm an internationally famous golfer now," he adds. "By the way, it's good to see you're all right." "Oh, I'm fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "I win fortunes in golf. If I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!" "I did that fer ye also" says the Leprechaun, "and tell me, how's yer sex life?" The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK." "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. "How many times a day?" Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "once, sometimes twice a week." "What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?" "Well, says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish." Cheers vapo :nerd:	vapo (5203)
355462	2005-05-15 21:48:00	Two ninety-year old men, Moe and Sam, have been friends all their lives . It seems that Sam is dying of cancer, and Moe comes to visit him every day . "Sam," says Moe, "You know how we have both loved baseball all our lives, and how we played minor league ball together for so many years . Sam, you have to do me one favor . When you get to Heaven, and I know you will go to Heaven, somehow you've got to let me know if there's baseball in Heaven . " Sam looks up at Moe from his death bed, and says, "Moe, you've been my best friend for many years . This favor, if it is at all possible, I'll do for you . " And shortly after that, Sam passes on . It is midnight a couple of nights later . Moe is sound asleep when he is awakened by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calls out to him, "Moe . . . Moe . . . " "Who is it?" says Moe sitting up suddenly . "Who is it?" "Moe, it's me, Sam . " "Come on . You're not Sam . Sam just died . " "I'm telling you," insists the voice . "It's me, Sam!" "Sam? Is that you? Where are you?" "I'm in heaven," says Sam, "and I've got to tell you, I've got really good news and also some bad news . " "So, tell me the good news first," says Moe . "The good news," says Sam "is that there is baseball in heaven . Better yet, all our old buddies who've gone before us are there . Better yet, we're all young men again . Better yet, it's always springtime and it never rains or snows . And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired!" "Really?" says Moe, "That is fantastic, wonderful beyond my wildest dreams! But, what's the bad news?" "You're pitching next Tuesday . "	Strommer (42)
355463	2005-05-16 06:18:00	Whoops my bad. Billy posted that joke last week. Oh well it's still funny 3 times round isn't it? muahahahaahahaha Warm and Moist MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food. CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog? MAN: Yes. CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he? MAN: He's at home. CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy. The next day, the man returns. MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food. CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat? MAN: Yes. CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he? MAN: He's at home! CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat. The next day the man returns. CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack? MAN: Put your hand inside. CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it? MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.	vapo (5203)
355464	2005-05-16 06:30:00	Couching syrup does wonders to any loose cough these days sarel	sarel (2490)
355465	2005-05-16 07:02:00	I have got a chest infection	techiekid (7219)
355466	2005-05-16 07:51:00	Having to Take a Whisper Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.'' The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite. The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom. He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.'' The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''	vapo (5203)
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