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Thread ID: 59946	2005-07-17 22:39:00	Monday Laughs: Stumped for a Title.....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
373002	2005-07-17 22:39:00	Four women were driving across the United States together . Each one was from a different part of the world: Ireland, Wales, New Zealand and Australia . Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Ireland started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window . "What on earth are you doing?" asked the Welsh lady . "We have so many of these darn things in Ireland, I am just sick of looking at them!" A short while later, the woman from Wales began pulling leeks from her bag and tossing them from the window . "What are you doing that for?" asked the woman from New Zealand . "We have so many of these things in Wales, I am just sick of looking at them!" Inspired, the woman from New Zealand opened the car door and pushed the Aussie out . Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
373003	2005-07-17 23:41:00	Short and sweet - 1. Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name.?" __________________________________________________ _____________ 2. "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." __________________________________________________ _____________ 3. A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids." __________________________________________________ ______________ 4. An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." __________________________________________________ ______ 5. Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records. __________________________________________________ ________ 6. A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.	smithie 38 (6684)
373004	2005-07-19 00:33:00	____________________________________ 30 Years Difference: 1973: Long hair 2003: Longing for hair 1973: KEG 2003: EKG 1973: Acid rock 2003: Acid reflux 1973: Moving to California because it's cool 2003: Moving to California because it's warm 1973: Trying to look like Liz Taylor 2003: Trying NOT to look like Liz Taylor 1973: Seeds and stems 2003: Roughage 1973: Hoping for a BMW 2003: Hoping for a BM 1973: The Grateful Dead 2003: Dr . Kevorkian 1973: Going to a new, hip joint 2003: Receiving a new hip joint 1973: Rolling Stones 2003: Kidney Stones 1973: Passing the drivers' test 2003: Passing the vision test Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things . The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987 . They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up . Their lifetime has always included AIDS . Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic . The CD was introduced the year they were born . They have always had an answering machine They have always had cable . They cannot fathom not having a remote control . Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show . Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave . They never took a swim and thought about Jaws . They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are . They don't know who Mork was or where he was from . They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane" . They do not care who shot J . R . and have no idea who J . R . even is . McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter . Do you feel old yet? (Sorry) Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list . Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading . Save the earth . It's the only planet with chocolate .	Cicero (40)
373005	2005-07-19 20:31:00	OBITUARY Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge.) His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
373006	2005-07-19 22:49:00	An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!" :lol:	techiekid (7219)
373007	2005-07-20 05:34:00	Junior asks his Dad, "Daddy, how was I born?" His Dad sighs and replies,"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway! Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. Six weeks later your Mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self-extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: "You've got male."	CYaBro (73)
373008	2005-07-20 06:01:00	Heard it b4 but it is always funny that one	techiekid (7219)
373009	2005-07-20 06:11:00	\|/(_)_(_)\|/ @~ (o.o) ~@ /___( * )___\ / `U' \ ( . ) `>---<' _\ /_ Better tell your cat to stay off your keyboard techie. Either that or stop drinking meths. :D A sig only means something if others can see the meaning. Anything else is an ego-trip. Cheers Billy 8-{) :confused: P.S. I know what it is meant to be, but it ain't, honest.	Billy T (70)
373010	2005-07-23 02:48:00	Here's the comparison table: Open source calls it: alpha testing Microsoft calls it: 1.0 Google calls it: shhhh ... top secret. Apple calls it: unsubstantiated rumors Open source calls it: beta testing Microsoft calls it: 2.0 Google calls it: beta testing Apple calls it: rumors with possibly some substance to them Open source calls it: release candidate Microsoft calls it: 3.0 Google calls it: beta testing Apple calls it: copies are circulated to the usual suspects, who eagerly publish reviews describing it as the "most innovating product yet!" Open source calls it: 1.0 Microsoft calls it: varies. Previous names have included 3.1, 95, 98, 4.0, 5.0 or X. Google calls it: beta testing Apple calls it: released to the market place, Steve Jobs goes on record to say that it is "insanely great". Open source calls it: 2.0 Microsoft calls it: SP1,2,3... Google calls it: beta testing Apple calls it: a recall	sambaird (47)
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