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Thread ID: 60413	2005-07-31 22:25:00	Monday Laughs: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
377150	2005-08-01 09:42:00	Wife goes out and buys a pair of crotchless undies.. Comes home puts them on and goes up to the couch where hubby is and lifts one leg up onto the couch and says to hubby "want sum of this honey" Hubby replies "**** off look at what it's done to your undies!" Smart Pills One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit ****. One of the boys said, ''What is that?'' ''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter. So he ate them and said, ''These taste like ****.'' ''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're already getting smarter.'' Hot Revenge Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?'' The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''	vapo (5203)
377151	2005-08-01 10:25:00	A man is dining in a japanese restaurant. He says to the waiter, "This chicken is rubbery." The waiter replies, "Thank you very much."	bob_doe_nz (92)
377152	2005-08-01 12:14:00	THE GHOST POO The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper but there's no poo in the bowl. THE CLEAN POO The kind where you feel poo come out, See poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper. THE WET POO You wipe your bottom fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your bottom and your underwear so you don't ruin them with these dreadful skid marks. THE SECOND WAVE POO This poo happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realise you have to poo some more. THE BRAIN HEMORRAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POO Also known as ‘Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo’. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke. THE CORN POO No explanation necessary. THE LINCOLN LOG POO The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush. THE NOTORIUS DRINKER POO The kind of poo you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It’s most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush. THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POO" POO The kind where you want to poo but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting. THE WET CHEEKS POO Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your bottom so fast that your cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. THE LIQUID POO That’s the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your bottom, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop chute. THE MEXICAN FOOD POO A class all of its own. THE CROWD PLEASER This poo is so intriguing in size and / or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing. THE MOOD ENHANCER This poo occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again. THE RITUAL This poo occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper. THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS POO A poo so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations. THE AFTERSHOCK POO This Poo has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected. THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POO This is any poo created in the presence of another person. THE GROANER A poo so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. THE FLOATER Characterised by its floatability, this poo has been known to resurface after many flushings. THE RANGER A poo which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper. THE PHANTOM POO This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there. THE PEEK-A-BOO POO Now you see it, now you don't. This poo is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control. THE BOMBSHELL A poo that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poo or you are nowhere near pooing facilities. THE SNAKE CHARMER A long skinny poo that has managed to coil itself into a frightening position. Usually harmless. THE OLYMPIC POO This poo occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Poo. THE BACK-TO-NATURE POO This poo may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POO An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can’t poo. PREMEDITATED POO Laxative induced. Doesn't count. POOZOPHRENIA Fear of pooing. Can be fatal! ENERGIZER vs DURACELL POO Also known as a "Still Going" poo. THE POWER DUMP POO The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done. THE SPINAL TAP POO The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got be coming out sideways. THE ‘I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY BOTTOM’ POO Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poo. The shape and shape of the turd resembles a tall beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards. THE PORRIDGE POO The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. THE ‘I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER' POO When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning. THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POO Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near, the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.	EX-WESTY (221)
377153	2005-08-04 04:46:00	Joe walked into a doctors office to seek relief of a non-stop Headache he had had for 20 years . After examining him the doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I Can cure your headaches . The bad news is that it will require castration . You Have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache . The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles . " Joe was shocked and depressed . He wondered if he had anything To live for . He had no choice but to go under the knife . When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the First time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself . As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a Different person . He could make a new beginning and live a new life . He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - a new suit . " He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a New suit . " The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . . . size 44 long . " Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said . Joe tried on the suit . It fit perfectly . As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How About a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure . " The Salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck . " Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly . Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure . " The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see . . size 36 . " Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 Years old . " The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34 . A 34 Underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give You one hell of a headache . " New suit = $400 New shirt = $ 36 New underwear = $ 6 Second opinion PRICELESS	Cicero (40)
377154	2005-08-04 09:18:00	Ahh comon cicero, we've had that joke like 5 times already.	E|im (87)
377155	2005-08-04 09:37:00	Ahh comon cicero, we've had that joke like 5 times already. You know what thet say,old uns are the best :thumbs:	Cicero (40)
377156	2005-08-04 12:53:00	You know what thet say,old uns are the best :thumbs: Old but good - oldy-but-a-goody (that's what my maths teacher taught me in class) Cheers :)	Renmoo (66)
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