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Thread ID: 60829	2005-08-14 10:11:00	Monday Laughs: Husband-Mart (I'm on a very early flight so posting tonight!)	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
380988	2005-08-14 10:11:00	Welcome to Husband-Mart A new store that sells husbands opens in New York . . . . A woman may go there to select a husband from among MANY different men . The store comprises 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the levels . There is however, one important rule: As you open the door to any floor you may choose a husband from that floor . But if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building--you cannot revisit any of the lower floors . ************** On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs . The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes . ***************** The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love kids, and don't mind doing housework . The woman smiles to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" *************** The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, don't mind doing housework, and are extremely good looking . "Even better!" she says . "But I wonder what's upstairs?" ***************** The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, don't mind doing housework, are extremely good looking and do all the cooking . "Wow," exclaims the woman, "very tempting . BUT, there must be more, much more further up!" She heads up another flight . ***************** The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, don't mind doing housework, are extremely good looking, do all the cooking, are red-hot in bed, like going shopping, don't scratch, fart or burp and love having their mother in law come to stay . "My God she says! . . how close to perfection can you get? . . . . But just think . . . . . what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes . ***************** The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - Welcome . You are visitor 133,956,779,012 to this floor . There are no men on this floor . This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please . Thank you for shopping Husband-Mart, and have a nice day . Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
380989	2005-08-14 10:34:00	hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahqh. N0 diss 2 XX but Icn relate 2 thaT.	mark c (247)
380990	2005-08-14 11:33:00	Have you heard of the gynacologist who always looked up his old girfriends while on holiday? Then there was the gynacologist who was so good that he could wallpaper his room through the keyhole . Two large Scotsmen are having a drink in a bar when one says to the other, "Your Round" The other replies "So are yo ya fat B*****d!"	bob_doe_nz (92)
380991	2005-08-14 12:03:00	Bob Doe NZ, that last joke just made my night :D	Chilling_Silence (9)
380992	2005-08-14 12:35:00	Well done Bill, your best joke yet and it wasn't a repeat. :o I've got one, sorry if you've heard it before: Little Johnny Little Johnny's neighbours had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said,"Why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes." Can he see?" asked Little Johnny. "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful, the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision. "That's great", said Little Johnny, "coz he'd be f*****d if he needed glasses	vapo (5203)
380993	2005-08-14 12:45:00	how do I delete posts?	bob_doe_nz (92)
380994	2005-08-14 15:18:00	----- Original Message ----- a.. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. b.. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. c.. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. d.. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in Box" e.. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. f.. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." g.. Dont use any punctuation marks h.. As often as possible, skip like a gay twit, rather than walk. i.. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". j.. Sing along at the opera. k.. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. l.. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. m.. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. n.. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim. o.. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!" p.. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!" q.. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."	ERR (8231)
380995	2005-08-14 15:52:00	MEN. Have a bit of fun, Fill up a plastic squeeze bottle with water, next time you go shopping near the super market place the bottle between your legs and squeeze, people will complain that you are urinating in a public place, Just say "SMILE you are on candid camera"	ERR (8231)
380996	2005-08-14 19:23:00	The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman #10 - You can trade an old . 44 for two new . 22s . #9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road . #8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times . #7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup . #6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo . #5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space . #4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month . #3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?" #2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it . AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun . contributed by chris m -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been . " -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem . every time I sneeze I have an orgasm . the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it . the woman replied, snorting pepper . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little . To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all .	Cicero (40)
380997	2005-08-14 21:39:00	Cicero and Bob_Doe_Nz, your contributions have to be some of the least funny and most demeaning ever to appear on this forum.:yuck:	Tony (4941)
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