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Thread ID: 60829	2005-08-14 10:11:00	Monday Laughs: Husband-Mart (I'm on a very early flight so posting tonight!)	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
381018	2005-08-15 10:53:00	It's official. the Chat F1ers lack a sense of humour. Why can't you people put some jokes up here instead of ripping up other people and telling us how many times you have seen other peoples offerings before?	theother1 (3573)
381019	2005-08-15 11:07:00	It's official. the Chat F1ers lack a sense of humour. Why can't you people put some jokes up here instead of ripping up other people and telling us how many times you have seen other peoples offerings before? Oh good,I thought I was alone in thinking thus. :thumbs:	Cicero (40)
381020	2005-08-15 11:58:00	Why can't you people put some jokes up here instead of ripping up other people and telling us how many times you have seen other peoples offerings before?Why can't people get with the times and not bore the rest with age-old jokes?	Greg (193)
381021	2005-08-15 12:12:00	Ive seen a lot... But its always good to re-visit the old ones :)	Chilling_Silence (9)
381022	2005-08-15 12:29:00	Ive seen a lot... But its always good to re-visit the old ones :)In that case I'll pleasure you with one of my old favourites: A radio station was running a competition – inviting callers to create words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still theoretically be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali. DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?” Caller: “Hi, me name’s Dave.” DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?” Caller: “Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.” DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?” Caller: “Goan f*** yourself!” The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until: DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?” Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.” DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?” Caller: “Smee... spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ‘smee’.” DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ‘smee’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?” Caller: “Smee again! Goan f*** yourself!”	Greg (193)
381023	2005-08-16 01:48:00	Well anywho, this is one I read for the first time today, Darth Vader took two giant strides toward the immense visiscreen that occupied the forward wall of the bridge of his flagship Imperial star destroyer. "We've got them now," he rumbled. Whirling on the technicians cowering at their consoles, Vader snapped, "Tractor beam!" "Yes, Lord Vader," replied one, bending attentively to his task. Then he looked up hesitantly. Vader gestured dramatically at the screen, indicating the fleeing spacecraft. "I want a tractor beam on that ship," he declared. "Now!" The technician busied himself with switches and dials. "Where's that tractor beam?" roared Vader, his voice dark with menace. The other technicians turned frightened eyes on their peer. They knew what happened when Darth Vader's instructions weren't executed instantly. "The tractor beam seems to be down, sir," quavered the technician. "What do you mean down?" Vader inquired with a disturbing silkiness to his voice. "It's not accepting commands, sir," the technician explained. Another technician leaned over and examined the console. "That's odd. The beam itself is showing green," he pointed out. "Yes, I know," agreed the first. "But I'm not getting any acknowledgment to my 'Engage' command." He pressed a button several times to demonstrate. "Maybe the network's down again," suggested a third technician. "Oh, that could be," admitted the first technician. "The network might be down, Lord Vader," he informed the large black figure trembling with rage. "What network?" Vader asked ominously. The second technician jumped in. "Since we've moved to a distributed architecture on the Imperial star destroyers, everything is on a network. It was felt that the direct connections were too unreliable." The third technician added. "The tractor beam is on one of the peripherals sub networks, with the printers and the scanners. It's not on the main weapons network." "Why isn't the tractor beam on the weapons network?" asked Vader, now more puzzled than angry. The technicians exchanged sheepish looks. It was embarrassing to have to point out something so obvious to a superior. The second technician cleared his throat. "Well, sir, the weapons network is a higher priority. It makes more sense to put the less commonly used systems on a separate sub network that has lower QOS." "QOS?" Vader queried. "Hang on a second," said the first technician. "If the network is down, how come we're getting a green light for the tractor beam?" The third technician brightened. "Ah! Maybe the console is retrieving old MIB data and displaying that." "MIB?" rumbled Vader. The first technician answered "We use SNMP to monitor the network elements. When the server queries the element, it stores its current status. If the network goes down, it can't query the element anymore, and all you have is the latest status in the MIB." He turned to the other technicians, musing. "We really should have an indicator of when the last successful query was, instead of just a green or red light." "Good idea," said the third technician. "I'll call tech support." "Say," said the second technician. "How about if we ping the tractor beam? Let me bring up a telnet window." "Telnet?" asked Vader, now obviously confused. "Ping?" The first technician glanced briefly at Vader, a little annoyed at the interruptions. Why couldn't this guy keep up with the service bulletins? "The system runs Unix, but the consoles run NT 5000," he replied with exaggerated patience. "You need a telnet window to ping the element." He turned his attention back to the screen. "That's strange. It comes back 'active'. Listen, when you get tech support tell them we can't engage the tractor but we can ping it." "Right," said the third technician. "I'm still on hold." "Here's a thought," said the second technician. "What if we just call the guys down at tractor control and have them engage the beam manually?" Vader seemed to brighten up at this, and swiveled his head from one to another. "Good idea," said the first technician. He lifted his communicator and tapped the switch several times. "Nothing," he said. The second technician shook his head. "Didn't we tell them we couldn't do voice and data with that little bandwidth?" Suddenly Vader noticed the visiscreen and let out a bellow of anger. "They're gone!" he boomed. The third technician looked up smiling. "Hey, I got tech support!"	Morgenmuffel (187)
381024	2005-08-16 02:20:00	Hate to tell you this, but I've seen the Husband-Mart (or variant) quite a few times before doing the rounds Funny thing that Jen, that's why I put the rider on it as below . It is not an original thought, but the ones out there were all pretty weak, so I tidied the presentation and ramped it up a little . Blokes need to try harder in a women's world! I think I improved it a little, others may disagree, but that's fair enough, everybody has the right to an opinion . first time it has appeared on the internet (in that form at least) . Cheers Billy 8-{) :p ;)	Billy T (70)
381025	2005-08-16 04:25:00	Funny thing that Jen, that's why I put the rider on it as below . It is not an original thought, but the ones out there were all pretty weak, so I tidied the presentation and ramped it up a little . Blokes need to try harder in a women's world! I think I improved it a little, others may disagree, but that's fair enough, everybody has the right to an opinion . Cheers Billy 8-{) :p ;) It was very good B . Why do people question you? It is in England and USA now via this amazing medium . :thumbs:	Cicero (40)
381026	2005-08-16 06:59:00	Caller: “Smee again! Goan f*** yourself!” Nice Greg :lol: :lol:	vapo (5203)
381027	2005-08-16 09:11:00	I liked it Billy T . (I confess to being a bloke . ) Aside . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . What's the difference between a Mississippi Mudfish and a lawyer? One's a bottom feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish . (Apologies to all good lawyers everywhere . ) :)	mark c (247)
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