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Thread ID: 60829	2005-08-14 10:11:00	Monday Laughs: Husband-Mart (I'm on a very early flight so posting tonight!)	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
381008	2005-08-15 02:41:00	Problem is that a lot of men think "Sure, I can do DIY stuff, Repair cars, mend appliances..." This is what sends women back to that building to look for another when things go wrong :p	Chilling_Silence (9)
381009	2005-08-15 03:02:00	An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old said, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute then noted, "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his cane and went 'Bang - Bang!' Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?" The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly."	olwyn (8088)
381010	2005-08-15 03:15:00	Two older ladies were standing in line at the bank, and having each found that they were widowed, the conversation went like this: "Tell me, what was it that happened to cause your becoming widowed at such an early age?" The second lady said that her husband had been involved in an untimely auto accident, and that she had never remarried . The first one spoke now saying that she had been widowed TWO TIMES! "M'lord, and how'd it happen the first time?" asked the second elder woman . "Well, let me tell you, his nibs passed away after consuming poison mushrooms" she said . " . . . . . . . and the second husband?" asked the other woman . "Oh, 'twas a double shame", she said, "He died of multiple concussions" . "And how'd that come about?" asked the second lady again . "How'd he get the concussions?" "Aye, 'e wouldn't eat the damned poison mushrooms!"	SurferJoe46 (51)
381011	2005-08-15 05:04:00	The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility . As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English" . In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c" . Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy . The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k" . This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter . There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f" . This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter . In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible . Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling . Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away . By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v" . During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl . Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza . Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru . Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas . If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl .	theother1 (3573)
381012	2005-08-15 05:07:00	If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. Ya Vol!	bob_doe_nz (92)
381013	2005-08-15 08:37:00	That is why the sixth floor was empty. ;) But I don't care if they don't cook or love kids,or are extremely good looking, or like going shopping, or love having their mother in law come to stay.	pctek (84)
381014	2005-08-15 09:10:00	I must admit that in lifes "wife-mart" i hung round on the fifth floor, got greedy, and scored the booby prize on the sixth. Fortunatly i was able to run from the building empty handed.	personthingy (1670)
381015	2005-08-15 09:54:00	Well done Bill, your best joke yet and it wasn't a repeat . :o Ummm . . . . . Well, it wouldn't be a repeat, because that is the first time it has appeared on the internet (in that form at least) . *cough* I have a confession to make, it was originally Wife-Mart, but being a bloke, I rewrote it to correct what I perceived to be a serious bias against the marital aspirations of my brother blokes everywhere . We were portrayed as shallow, vapid sexist beasts; unable to appreciate the true worth of women, so I though I'd give us the first run over the target . The original joke is below: A new store that sells wives opens in Dallas, TX . . . . A man may go to choose a wife from among MANY women . The store is composed of 6 floors, and the women increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights . There is however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may choose a wife from that floor . But if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building--no stopping on any lower floors . ************** On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These women have jobs . The man reads the sign and says to himself, "Well, that's better than my last girlfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up he goes . ***************** The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These women have jobs, love sports, and drink beer . The man smiles to himself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" *************** The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These women have jobs, love sports, drink beer, and are extremely good looking . "Better!" he says . "But I wonder what's upstairs?" ***************** The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These women have jobs, love sports, drink beer, are extremely good looking and do all the housework "Wow," exclaims the man, "very tempting . BUT, there must be more, much more further up!" He heads up another flight . ***************** The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These women have jobs, love sports, drink beer, are extremely good looking, do all the housework and don't ***** and gripe about anything . "Hot Dang! . . how close to perfect can you get? . . . . But just think . . . . . what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor he goes . ***************** The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - Welcome . You are visitor 133,956,779,012 to this floor . There are no women on this floor . This floor exists solely as proof that men are impossible to please . Thank you for shopping Wife Mart, and have a nice day . I prefer my version, but then I would wouldn't I? Being male and all that . :D Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
381016	2005-08-15 10:25:00	Ummm.....Well, it wouldn't be a repeat, because that is the first time it has appeared on the internet (in that form at least). I have a confession to make, it was originally Wife-Mart, but being a bloke, I rewrote it to correct what I perceived to be a serious bias against the marital aspirations of my brother blokes everywhere. Hate to tell you this, but I've seen the Husband-Mart (or variant) quite a few times before doing the rounds ;) One example (www.math.tifr.res.in) :p	Jen (38)
381017	2005-08-15 10:33:00	Hate to tell you this, but I've seen the Husband-Mart (or variant) quite a few times before doing the rounds ;) One example (www.math.tifr.res.in) :pAnd I saw the women version of it about 8 years ago	Greg (193)
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