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Thread ID: 60829	2005-08-14 10:11:00	Monday Laughs: Husband-Mart (I'm on a very early flight so posting tonight!)	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
380998	2005-08-14 21:45:00	Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Seamus, "Any idea where we are?" "Bejasus, I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year." :D	smithie 38 (6684)
380999	2005-08-14 22:16:00	Cicero and Bob_Doe_Nz, your contributions have to be some of the least funny and most demeaning ever to appear on this forum.:yuck: Jokes are not meant to be literal and should not be read by those unable to differentiate. :illogical	Cicero (40)
381000	2005-08-14 22:46:00	Jokes are not meant to be literal and should not be read by those unable to differentiate. :illogicalBut they are meant to be funny.	Tony (4941)
381001	2005-08-14 22:55:00	"so good that he could wallpaper his room through the keyhole." Come on, got to laugh at that.... Its the sort of joke i'd expect one of my girlfriends to send me to go along with this: One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?" The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thingee sort of stands up, and then the Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies." Her mother shakes her head, leans over to meet her eye-to-eye and says, "Oh, Darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewelry."	personthingy (1670)
381002	2005-08-14 23:54:00	Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten." A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (No -The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail). Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old friend. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend come out and see me again". Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."......... "I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian".	Winston001 (3612)
381003	2005-08-15 01:16:00	----- Original Message ----- a.. Why? SO you can demonstrate what a %#%$^wit you are?	pctek (84)
381004	2005-08-15 01:18:00	Welcome to Husband-Mart A new store that sells husbands opens in New York . . . . A woman may go there to select a husband from among MANY different men . Billy 8-{) I'd be at the Information Booth asking for the floor where they sell men that can: Garden Repair cars DIY stuff Mend appliances They seem to be in short supply nowdays .	pctek (84)
381005	2005-08-15 01:33:00	Cicero and bob_doe_nz, your contributions have to be some of the least funny and most demeaning ever to appear on this forum . Now wheres that ignore button . . . *click* . . . hmm nothing . . . What about that sarcasm button? . . . *click* ahh it works . . . :p	bob_doe_nz (92)
381006	2005-08-15 02:27:00	Notes From Thoughtful Ron: (To continue the "demeaning" theme ;)) Notes From Thoughtful Ron: It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Ron...... Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door... She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she! app reciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. I really think my experience as a teacher helps a lot. I consider telling people what they ought to do as one of my strong points...Now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this; as long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I'm willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club, or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling, or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.. This gives her a little more time to do someof those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting... Also, if I had a really good day on the course and it was wet and muddy, my clubs are a mess, so I let her clean them, you know..... get the grit off the grips and a little light Brillo on the club faces at a casual pace. My golf bag is heavy so I lift it out of the trunk for her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as good as men. But I did tell her I don't like to be wakened during my after-golf nap, so rather than bother me, she can put them back in the trunk when she's finished. Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too, and then take her break by my hammock. That way she can talk with me until I fall asleep. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Julie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other... Signed, Ron EDITOR'S NOTE: Ron died suddenly Thursday Feb. 3. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II rammed up his butt, with only 2 inches of grip showing...His wife Julie was arrested, but the all-woman Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it, and she was released on Friday, Feb 4.	FoxyMX (5)
381007	2005-08-15 02:28:00	I'd be at the Information Booth asking for the floor where they sell men that can: Garden Repair cars DIY stuff Mend appliances They seem to be in short supply nowdays. That is why the sixth floor was empty. ;)	FoxyMX (5)
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