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Thread ID: 61009	2005-08-21 09:38:00	Monday Laughs: More Wives/Husbands (Another very early start tomorrow!)	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
382814	2005-08-21 09:38:00	The FBI had an opening for an assassin . After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists . Two men and a woman . For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun . "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances . Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . Kill Her!" The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife . " The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job . Take your wife and go home . " The second man was given the same instructions . He took the gun and went into the room . All was quiet for about 5 minutes . The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife . " The agent said, "You don't have what it takes . Take your wife and go home . " Finally, it was the woman's turn . She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband . She took the gun and went into the room . Shots were heard, one after another . They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls . After a few minutes, all was quiet . The door opened slowly and there stood the woman . She wiped the sweat from her brow . . . "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said, "I had to beat him to death with the chair!!" Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
382815	2005-08-21 10:33:00	Dumb questions to ask . . . If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Why do we wash behind our ears? Does anyon actually look behind there? Why dont the hairs on your arms ever get split ends? Why is it illegal to use a handicapped parking space, yet its ok to use a disabled toilet? why dont they make the adhesive seals on envelopes taste like chocolate? (or any other flavour for that matter . . . ) Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear? If a fork was made of gold, would you still call it silverware? Why is toilet clean fluid always blue? Why cant you get a tan on your palms? If something goes without saying, why do they still say it? If sandwich bread is square, why is pressed meat usually round? Why do they call them "Fun Size" candy bars? surely a big one is more fun? Why do most people put more effort into a wedding than the actual marriage? Romance mathematics . . . Smart Man + Smart Woman = romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = affair Dumb Man + Smart Woman = marriage Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = pregnancy Office Arithmetic Smart Boss + Smart employee = Profit Smart Boss + Dumb employee = Production Dumb Boss + Smart employee = Promotion Dumb Boss + Dumb employee = Overtime	bob_doe_nz (92)
382816	2005-08-21 22:20:00	Two older ladies were standing in line at the bank, and having each found that they were widowed, the conversation went like this: "Tell me, what was it that happened to cause your becoming widowed at such an early age?" The second lady said that her husband had been involved in an untimely auto accident, and that she had never remarried . The first one spoke now saying that she had been widowed TWO TIMES! "M'lord, and how'd it happen the first time?" asked the second elder woman . "Well, let me tell you, his nibs passed away after consuming poison mushrooms" she said . " . . . . . . . and the second husband?" asked the other woman . "Oh, 'twas a double shame", she said, "He died of multiple concussions" . "And how'd that come about?" asked the second lady again . "How'd he get the concussions?" "Aye, 'e wouldn't eat the damned poison mushrooms!"	smithie 38 (6684)
382817	2005-08-21 22:23:00	A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."	Peterj116 (6762)
382818	2005-08-24 02:50:00	A woman goes to the local newspaper office to arrange for an obituary to be published for her recently deceased husband . The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word . She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read, "Fred Brown died . " Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries . She thinks it over for a few seconds, then says: "In that case, let it read: Fred Brown died, golf clubs for sale . " Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
382819	2005-08-25 05:52:00	Dining in France... A husband and his wife were bickering while holidaying in France. They were still hardly speaking to each other after being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner. When the waiter arrived the husband said, "I'll have a big, thick porterhouse steak." The waiter replied, "Monsieur... what about ze mad cow?" The husband replied, "She'll have a salad." I've got enough good jokes stored up to last two years of Mondays, so this is another from the overflow. Enjoy it while it's topical. Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
382820	2005-08-25 09:49:00	Another from the surplus list: A study at Auckland University has showed that the kind of male face that a woman finds attractive can differ, depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. If she is menstruating, she is more likely to prefer a man with scissors jammed into his temple, a cricket bat shoved up his arse, and his pubic hair smeared with petroleum jelly and set on fire. Cheers Billy 8-{) :blush:	Billy T (70)
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