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Thread ID: 61217	2005-08-28 22:04:00	Monday Laughs: Guaranteed politics and religion free.........	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
384393	2005-08-28 22:04:00	A young Southern boy goes off to college at the University of Alabama, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him . Then he gets an idea, and calls his Redneck father . "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with at the university! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach our hound Fido how to talk!" "That's absolutely amazing!" his father says . "How do I get him in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course . " So, his father sends the dog and the $1000 . About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out . The boy calls his father again . "So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks . " Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!" "READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class . " His father sends the money . The boy has a problem at the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read . So he shoots the dog . When he gets home, his father is all excited . "Where's Fido? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news . This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does . Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?' The father says, "I hope you SHOT that lying no-good dog!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!" Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
384394	2005-08-28 22:25:00	You have to read it to believe it stuff.co.nz	Morgenmuffel (187)
384395	2005-08-28 23:23:00	Steve took his dog for a walk down to the local pub on Saturday night. He was having a quiet drink when some footy results came up on the tele. Steve's team had won and the dog started runnign in circles and yelping with delight. "What does the dog do when the team loses?" Asked the barman. "Somersaults", replies Steve. "How many?", asked the barman "Depends on how far I kick him" What do us asians do when we have erections? We vote :p Two men walk down the street. One was an artist, the other was also unemployed	bob_doe_nz (92)
384396	2005-08-28 23:29:00	You have to read it to believe it stuff.co.nz NZ, where men are men, and sheep are scared, even imaginary ones!	personthingy (1670)
384397	2005-08-28 23:56:00	Smoking Tech Problem --------------------- After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance... Technician: Hello. How can I help you today? Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer... Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply... Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files... Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it... Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command... For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded... Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem... Customer: I knew it! Technician: Just add the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.COM' at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes... About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer... Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking... Technician: Well, what version of DOS are you using? Customer: MS-DOS 6.22... Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version of DOS doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out... When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again... Customer: I need a new power supply... Technician: How did you come to that conclusion? Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply... Technician: What did he tell you? Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE...	Morgenmuffel (187)
384398	2005-08-29 05:40:00	The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Todd—who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket—went in to try out for the job . "Okay," the sheriff began, "Todd, what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," he replied . The sheriff thought, "That's not what I meant, but he's right . " "What two days of the week start with the letter T?" "Today and tomorrow . " The sheriff was again surprised that Todd had supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself . "Now, Todd, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Todd looked a little surprised, thought really hard for a minute, and finally admitted, "I don't know . " "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So Todd wandered over to the barbershop, where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview . Todd was exultant: "It went great! First day on the job, and I'm already working on a murder case!" :D	smithie 38 (6684)
384399	2005-08-29 05:44:00	You have to read it to believe it stuff.co.nz ... and we wonder why we are the butt of the sheep jokes from the Aussies :rolleyes:	Jen (38)
384400	2005-08-29 06:10:00	... and we wonder why we are the butt of the sheep jokes from the Aussies :rolleyes: At least we export most of our sheep. :illogical	bob_doe_nz (92)
384401	2005-08-29 13:58:00	The Flat Yellow Dog A guy goes down the road to take his dog for a walk to the local pub in his new neighbourhood. Inside a patron looks at his odd looking dog, then gives him a warning: "you better take care walking your dog in this street. Homer Briggs walks his really fierce rotweiller around here, and he's likely to tear your flat yellow dog to bits" Well the guy ignores the advice and next day walks down to the pub again. Sure enough Homer Briggs and his maniacal rottweiler spot him, and the dog rips into the flat yellow dog. In 20 seconds flat the rottweiler is a mangled bloody wreck lying dead on the ground. Bystanders can't believe what they've seen, and someone comes up and asks him in disbelief... " how the heck did you get your dog to do that, Mister?" He replies calmly: "I just took my crocodile, cut off his tail and painted him yellow".	Greg (193)
384402	2005-08-29 23:15:00	Smoking Tech Problem --------------------- (snip) Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE... :D Now there are two wise technicians! Loved it. Thanks Nigel	John H (8)
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