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Thread ID: 61430	2005-09-04 20:30:00	Monday Laughs: Let's pick on cats day.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
386007	2005-09-04 20:30:00	How to clean a toilet 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse". 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. Sincerely, The Dog Cheers Billy 8-{) :p	Billy T (70)
386008	2005-09-04 22:32:00	Subject: Comprehending Engineers Take One . Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike . She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want . '" The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes wouldn't have fit anyway . " Take Two To the optimist, the glass is half full . To the pessimist, the glass half empty . To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be . Take Three A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers . The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude" . The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper . Let's have a word with him . Hi John . Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters . They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime . " The group was silent for a moment . Then the pastor said, "That's so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight . " The doctor said, "Good idea . And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them . " The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these guys play at night?" Take Four What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets . Take Five Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it . Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet .	smithie 38 (6684)
386009	2005-09-05 00:05:00	An elderly couple are outside on their porch in their rocking chairs. The husband says to the lady, "F*** you" 5 minutes later the wife say to the man, "F*** you" Another 5 minutes passes before the wife replies, "You know, this oral sex isnt all its cracked up to be." :p	bob_doe_nz (92)
386010	2005-09-05 04:12:00	When his wife saw that he was picking up his golf clubs, she stopped her husband and told him that he promised to clear out the garage and plant the flowers in the front yard that day and was not going to go out. The husband told his wife: "Well, I've got a tee time for Harry and me all paid for and besides, We're only going to play the front 9 holes and I'll be back in plenty of time to get those things done anyway." "OK"' said the wife, "but make sure you're back by at least noon". Promising to do so, he was gone. About midnight, entering the front door his wife was standing there very angry and confronted him with his promise to be back by noon. The husband said: "Yeah, but you see, at the first hole Harry hit a hole-in-one, and as he was so excited, I really thought the day was going to go really fast. The next tee, Harry did it again. He hit another hole-in-one. He was jumping around so much that he had a heart attack and died right there." "Oh, how horrible" said the wife. "I guess you were with the family and the paramedics and the country club people for all the rest of the day then, right?" "No, not quite" he replied. "What took so long was 'Hit the ball; Drag Harry' for the next seven holes".	SurferJoe46 (51)
386011	2005-09-08 03:46:00	THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox . She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back into the house . A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again . Angrily, back into the house she went . As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever . Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL . "	beetle (243)
386012	2005-09-08 03:46:00	AUTO REPAIR A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station . She tells the mechanic it died . After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly . She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburretor . " She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"	beetle (243)
386013	2005-09-08 05:17:00	For all F1-ers: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time . So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving . I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave . Therefore, no souls are leaving . As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today . Most of these religions state: that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell . Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell . With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially . Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added . This presents two possibilities: 1 . If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose . 2 . If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over . So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me during a date with Teresa in my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over . The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God . "	SurferJoe46 (51)
386014	2005-09-09 03:12:00	A public servant, on his way home from work in the Wellington traffic came to a dead halt and thought to himself, "This is unusual." He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?" The officer replied, "It's the Prime Minister. Helen is depressed, so she stopped her motorcade and is threatening to douse herself with petrol and set herself on fire. She says no one believes her election promises, or that Mr Cullen just "found" another billion & the polls aren't going well. So we're taking up a collection for her" The public servant asks, "How much have you got so far?" The officer replies, "About 200 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning	mikebartnz (21)
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