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Thread ID: 61633	2005-09-11 22:10:00	Monday Laughs: Light relief from politics.......	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
387624	2005-09-11 22:10:00	Six reasons not to mess with a child: 1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales . The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small . The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale . Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible . The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah" . The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him . " 2) A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing . She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work . As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was . The girl replied, "I'm drawing God . " The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like . " Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute . " 3) A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds . After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill . " 4) One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink . She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head . She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white . " The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" 5) A class of children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture . "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor . ' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead . " 6) A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood . Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face . " "Yes," the class said . "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty . " Cheers Billy 8-{) :thumbs:	Billy T (70)
387625	2005-09-12 00:42:00	How do you confuse a paleontologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from	bob_doe_nz (92)
387626	2005-09-12 02:16:00	A Mother's (or Father's) Dictionary Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too . Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside . Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins . Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert . Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots . Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him . Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right . Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word . Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid . Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say . Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it . Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own . Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms . Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it . Show off: A child who is more talented than yours . Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it . Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything . Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children . Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies . Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises . Verbal: Able to whine in words Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house . Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge . " :D beetle	beetle (243)
387627	2005-09-12 02:37:00	One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church . Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc . Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church . Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate . Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving . . . seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence . Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do . " Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man . Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years . "	Winston001 (3612)
387628	2005-09-12 04:34:00	Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. Turning the corner he spots a building with the sign, "Stanley Kowalski's Chinese Laundry." "Stanley Kowalski?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese man behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Stanley Kowalski's Chinese Laundry?" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Stanley Kowalski?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, "Stanley Kowalski." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sem Ting.'"	smithie 38 (6684)
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