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Thread ID: 62918	2005-10-23 20:20:00	Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
398653	2005-10-25 04:26:00	Dentist A Bushie walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "That tooth has to come out . I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes . " The man grabs the doc's arm, "No way . I hate needles I'm not having any shot!" So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with the gas . " The man replies, "Absolutely not . It makes me very sick for a couple of days . I'm not having gas . " So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water . "Here," he says . "Take this pill . " The man asks "What is it?" The doc replies, "Viagra . " The man looks surprised . "Will that kill the pain?" he asks . "No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth"	FoxyMX (5)
398654	2005-10-25 04:32:00	Check the math To My Dear Wife, "You will surely understand that I have certain needs that being with a 54-year old you can no longer supply . I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife . Therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel . Please don't be perturbed, I shall be back home before midnight" . When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table . My Dear Husband, I received your fax and thank you for your honesty . I too am very happy with you and value you as a good husband . I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old . At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old . "As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference . 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 goes into 18 . Therefore I will not be home until lunchtime tomorrow . "	FoxyMX (5)
398655	2005-10-25 06:58:00	The Brit, the Aussie and the Kiwi were all convicted of something and sentenced to hang. As a last wish they were allowed to choose the tree that they'd be hung from. "An Oak", says the Brit so the judge says OK and up he gets strung. Then the judge turns to the Aussie...... "A Gum tree" ,says the Aussie, so away he goes and gets it. And the judge turns to the kiwi. "A gossebery tree" says the kiwi. "Whaddaya mean" says the judge. "That's not big enough." That's OK", says the kiwi. "I can wait."	mark c (247)
398656	2005-10-25 23:41:00	A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?	Mr Wetzyl (362)
398657	2005-10-27 20:46:00	Just loved this one :D WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not! WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do . WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry? HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again . WIFE: You would? (with a hurt look on her face) . HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) . WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house . WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed? HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep? WIFE: Would you let her drive my car? HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new . WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers? HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do . WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs? HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed . WIFE: - - silence - - HUSBAND: F**k Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
398658	2005-10-28 19:51:00	ANATOMY LESSON Gay Barry goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run . The doctor comes back and says, "Barry, I'm not going to beat around the bush "You have AIDS . Gay Barry is devastated . "Doc, what can I do?" . Doc says,"Well, you can eat 1 sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 bos of Grape Nuts cereal, and top it offwith a gallon of prune juice . " Gay Barry asks, "Will that cure me then Doc?" Doc says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your Arse is for . "	plod (107)
398659	2005-11-03 02:57:00	They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there & you say in front of others what's wrong & sometimes it's embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, & I love the way this old guy handled it: An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded Doctor's Waiting Room. As he approached the desk, the Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The Receptionist became irritated & said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded Doctor's Room & say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong & I told you," he said. The Receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something & then discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private." The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others, if the answer could embarrass anyone." The man walked out, waited several minutes & th en re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly & asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly & smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "What's wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't pee out of it," the man replied. The Waiting Room erupted in laughter.	KiwiTT_NZ (233)
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