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Thread ID: 64336	2005-12-11 20:54:00	Monday laughs: Less caring, more sharing....	Billy T (70)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
411860	2005-12-11 20:54:00	A father leaves work one day, and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls in to the nearest mall, goes to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie in your display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one Sir? We have: Work-out Barbie for $19.95 Shopping Barbie for $19.95 Beach Barbie for $19.95 Disco Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $265.95 The father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 when the others are only $19.95?" The salesperson responds with surprise: "But Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's RV, Ken's Boat, Ken's Harley, Ken's House, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and... One of Ken's Friends. Cheers Billy 8-{)	Billy T (70)
411861	2005-12-11 22:15:00	:lol:	bob_doe_nz (92)
411862	2005-12-11 23:24:00	Potentially vs Realistically A young boy went up to his father and said,"Dad, the teacher gave us an assignment do determine the difference between potentially and realistically . Can you help me?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars . Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars . Come back and tell me what you learn from that . " So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?! " The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied . "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad . His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes . . . Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars . . . but Realistically, . . . we're living with two sluts and a damn queer . :D	smithie 38 (6684)
411863	2005-12-12 01:03:00	Charming.	pixeldust (6619)
411864	2005-12-12 01:11:00	That boy has a bit to learn, he should have said: "Yes... Potentially, you are sitting on three million dollars... but Realistically,... I'm living with two sluts, a pimp and a queer." -Qyiet	qyiet (6730)
411865	2005-12-12 06:50:00	:lol: at Billy T's Joke :thumbs:	Dannz (1668)
411866	2005-12-13 07:47:00	Dear all, Check this out The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors . They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour . Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK) . A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die . Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking . Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water . Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes . Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not . . . oh forget it . Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross . Come naked . Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees . Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions . Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do . Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus- tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is . . . oh forget it . Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races . Come naked . Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers . Milk is illegal . Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum . (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from . All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets . Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name . It's a kind of bear and lives in trees . (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear . They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them . You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking . Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink . Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth . Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather . Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs . Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas . Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross . Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour . Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first . This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from . papercut . biz/emailStripper . htm" target="_blank">www . papercut . biz	Cicero (40)
411867	2005-12-13 09:50:00	LOL @ Cicero Joke	stu161204 (123)
411868	2005-12-13 20:24:00	Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first. That one made me laugh the most. I can just imagine how uptight the americans got about that comment.	Greven (91)
411869	2005-12-13 20:25:00	In that case here is another ;) RECYCLING!!! An Australian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him . The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation . The American snapped his gum and said, " You Australian folk eat the whole bread? " The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, " Of course " . The American blew a huge bubble . " We don't . In the States we only eat what's inside . The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants, and sell them to Australia . " The American had a smirk on his face . The Australian listened in silence . The American persisted . " D'ya eat jam with the bread? " Sighing, the Australian replied, " Of course " . Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, " We don't . In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia . " The Australian then asked, " Do you have sex in the States? " The American smiled and said, " Why, of course we do . " The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, " And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them? " " We throw them away, of course " Now it was the Australian's turn to smile . " We don't . In Australia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States . " " Why do you think its called Wrigley's? "	Cicero (40)
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