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| Thread ID: 64907 | 2006-01-01 21:58:00 | Monday laughs: Redhead Jokes | Billy T (70) | PC World Chat |
| Post ID | Timestamp | Content | User | ||
| 417180 | 2006-01-01 21:58:00 | A gorgeous young redhead goes into an emergency medical centre and tells the doctor that her body hurts wherever she touches it . "That's most odd", says the doctor, "you had better show me . " The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast, and screams, then she pushes her elbow, and screams in even more agony . She pushes her knee and screams, then she pushes on her thigh, and screams again . She then pushes her ankle (loud screams) and everywhere else that she touches on her body produces more ear-piercing screams . The doctor thinks for a minute, then says: "You're not a natural redhead are you?" "Well, no" she answers, "I'm actually a blonde, but how did you know that?" "Simple really," the doctor replies . "Your finger is broken . " Cheers Billy 8-{) Happy New Year to you all, blondes included! :p |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 417181 | 2006-01-01 23:33:00 | Bill and Jean were sitting on the bench outside the country pub watching a bull doing a cow in a paddock across the road. "Gee I'd like to be doing what the bull's doin", said Bill "Why don't you", said Jean, "It's Your cow." ---------------------------------------------------- What's Black and Brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman. ---------------------------------------------------- Whats the differenc between a lawyer and a Catfish? One's a bottom crawling scum sucker and the others a fish. ---------------------------------------------------- "Do you know how to save a lawyer from drowning?" "No, I don't." "Good" |
bob_doe_nz (92) | ||
| 417182 | 2006-01-02 01:30:00 | While driving her boyfriend's new Beemer, a redhead hits a curb and crunches the lower rocker panel of the sports car . Fearing the wrath of the guy, she quickly drives to a body shop to see if they can fix it . When the manager tells her the price she just shudders and asks if there's a cheaper way to fix the dent without spending so much money . The manager says: "Sure, but we don't do it here any more . We couldn't charge enough for it and the customers complained, But, I'll tell you how to do it yourself . " She drives to her home and gets out and following the body shop's instructions, she places her mouth on the tailpipe and is blowing into it when her blonde girlfriend drives up and asks her what she's doing . She says: "I'm trying to blow into the tailpipe and re-inflate the dent I made to this car . " The blonde looks around and says: "Silly girl, you can't do it like that; you've got to close all the windows first!" |
SurferJoe46 (51) | ||
| 417183 | 2006-01-02 02:17:00 | Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives . Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following: Thank you for calling heaven . For English press 1 For Spanish press 2 For all other languages, press 3 Please select one of the following options: Press 1 for requests Press 2 for thanks - giving Press 3 for complaints Press 4 for all others I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now . However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received . Please stay on the line . If you would like to speak to: God, press 1 Jesus, press 2 Holy spirit, press 3 To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the dollar sign . If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666 . For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3:16 . For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics . Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow . The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday . If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor . Thank you and have a heavenly day . |
smithie 38 (6684) | ||
| 417184 | 2006-01-03 11:34:00 | I'd suggest you stop picking on redheads... well, if you know whats good for ya, you would ;) So heres this instead: I am sure a few of you use web based forums from time to time for support and will enjoy this: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 1 to move it to the Lighting section 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 5 to flame the spell checkers 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp" 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too" 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs" 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again. |
personthingy (1670) | ||
| 417185 | 2006-01-03 18:13:00 | .......me too! | SurferJoe46 (51) | ||
| 417186 | 2006-01-04 20:19:00 | Five to criticise people who copy and paste posts without reformatting. Two to say it doesn't matter as long as you can still read it. Four more to flame pedants who worry about silly things like that Ten to say schools don't teach people to write properly anymore And so on........... Cheers Billy 8-{) |
Billy T (70) | ||
| 417187 | 2006-01-04 20:24:00 | 199 to flame people who use too much color or UPPER-CASE letters in posts! | SurferJoe46 (51) | ||
| 417188 | 2006-01-04 23:43:00 | 199 to flame people who use too much color or UPPER-CASE letters in posts! :D |
stu161204 (123) | ||
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