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Thread ID: 65363	2006-01-15 19:00:00	Monday Laughs	FoxyMX (5)	PC World Chat

Post ID	Timestamp	Content	User
421361	2006-01-15 19:00:00	Believe in ghosts? A professor at Oklahoma State University was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asked, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Bubba replied, "Sh***t! From way back thar I thought you said "Goats."	FoxyMX (5)
421362	2006-01-15 19:02:00	An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open."	Peterj116 (6762)
421363	2006-01-15 20:06:00	WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12 A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms,son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....."	smithie 38 (6684)
421364	2006-01-16 22:04:00	Dear Brian Tamaki, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law . I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you oppose same sex marriage . As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman . " I try to share your knowledge with as many people as I can . When someone tries to defend the homosexual relationships, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination . End of debate . I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them . 1 . Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations . A friend of mine claims that this applies to Pacific Islanders, but not Australians . Can you clarify? Why can't I own Australians? 2 . I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7 . In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3 . I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in Her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev . 15: 19-24 . The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence . 4 . When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev . 1:9 . The problem is with my> > neighbours . They claim the odour is not pleasing to them . Should I smite them? 5 . I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath . Exodus 35:2 . clearly states he should be put to death . Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I call up the police and ask them to do it? 6 . A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev . 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality . I don't agree . Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? 7 . Lev . 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight . I have to admit that I wear reading glasses . Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here? 8 . Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev . 19:27 . How should they die? 9 . I know from Lev . 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play soccer if I wear gloves? 10 . My uncle has a farm . He violates Lev . 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend) . He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot . Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? [Lev . 24:10-16] . Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? [Lev . 20:14] I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help . Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging .	Peterj116 (6762)
421365	2006-01-17 08:38:00	Peterj116 - I wish I had thought of that riposte! Made my night! It will be shared widely with others...	John H (8)
421366	2006-01-17 09:14:00	Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him Friday afternoon, since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't. When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2pm sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this Afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500." Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."	EX-WESTY (221)
421367	2006-01-17 09:16:00	Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea!" "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know S**t?	EX-WESTY (221)
421368	2006-01-17 23:40:00	This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed . It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal . SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant . I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play . I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire . Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand . I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me . Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting . . Please scroll down . . . Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever .	FoxyMX (5)
421369	2006-01-17 23:57:00	Two books are for sale. Which to buy? "Titanic" or "My Life" by Bill Clinton? Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over 3 hours to read Clinton: Over 3 hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Titanic: Jack is a starving artist. Clinton: Bill is a bull sh!t artist. Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton: Ditto for Bill. Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton: Ditto for Monica. Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton: Umm...let's not go there. Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts. Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack. Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton: Monica ... er, ah, um, let's not go there, either. Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing	godfather (25)
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